Rich Swann and Sasha Banks vs. Noam Dar and Alicia Fox

Seriously? This is the bullshit you’re doing with Sasha? Like, really? You only have enough competent women on each show to do one feud and then the rest are such a huge dropoff. And for a show called “Extreme” Rules – a MIXED TAG MATCH? THERE’S NOTHING EXTREME ABOUT THIS! IN FACT IT’S CONSERVATIVE AS FUCK! YOU PUSH FOR EQUALITY AND YET THE WOMEN CAN ONLY FIGHT WOMEN! SEPARATE BUT EQUAL IS NOT EQUAL! GO THE FUCK AWAY WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!

Prediction: Rich Swann and Sasha Banks

Submission Match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries

This feud is still going???? Fuck!

Prediction: Austin Aries

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. The Miz

For a show that’s called “Extreme” Rules, you certainly don’t appear to have a stipulation on this match at all. I know that Ambrose can lose the title by DQ, but that’s not a stipulation and that’s not extreme. Still waiting. If the finish isn’t Maryse slapping Miz for no reason it also fails the logic test.

Prediction: The Miz

Cage Match for the WWE World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Hardys (c) vs. Cesaro and Sheamus (c)

So, uh, I got nothing.

Prediction: Cesaro and Sheamus

Kendo Stick on a Pole Match for the WWE Women’s Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Bayley

So, that’s what you got for the Women’s Title match? A Kendo Stick on a pole match? You remember that Women’s Revolution you’re having right? THEY DON’T GET BULLSHIT ON A POLE MATCHES! ALSO, WHO THE FUCK CALLED VINCE RUSSO?

Prediction: Alexa Bliss

Fatal 5 Way Extreme Rules #1 Contender’s Match
Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns

Oh, wait, so the Universal Title still isn’t on the line? THEN WHO GIVES A FUCK? And for a match we know Roman’s going to lose, well damn, the whole fucking show is still about him, isn’t it? Beats Balor and Rollins because fuck us, that’s why. And people think Balor can’t beat Brock for some reason? IF OLDBERG CAN BEAT LESNAR, ANYONE CAN BEAT LESNAR. DUH.

Prediction: Finn Balor

Whatever. Review Sunday.

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