2017-18 Stanley Cup Playoffs Predictions (Conference Quarterfinals)

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With all of the craziness of WrestleMania weekend I almost forgot to write these. Thankfully I’ll get them in just in time.

Thankfully I can say I’ve watched a ton of hockey this year because I bought the Center Ice package for the first time. Obviously I couldn’t watch every single game but I’ve seen a ton of Leafs, Jets, Golden Knights, Lightning, Bruins, Sharks, and Hawks games. This year’s going to be weird since the Hawks aren’t in it so I have to start with the Western Conference.

———————————————–Western Conference————————–

(1) Nashville Predators vs. (WC2) Colorado Avalanche

The Nashville Predators have won the Presidents Trophy. Let that sink in – we live in a world where the Preds have won the Presidents Trophy. Anyone think that would happen, ever? But they are that good now. The scary thing is – they’re that good but there’s no clear cut winner this year, there are multiple teams that have a solid chance of winning.

The Colorado Avalanche got out of the basement, traded Matt Duchene, and MacKinnon and goaltending brought them to the playoffs after being a record-settingly bad team last year.

As impressive as it is that Colorado got themselves in the playoffs after the year they had last year, there’s no way they’re going to make it past the Preds.

(2) Winnipeg Jets vs. (3) Minnesota Wild

The Winnipeg Jets are another legit contender. They have many offensive weapons – Laine, Scheifele, Wheeler, Byfuglien – and Hellebuyck is great.

The Minnesota Wild are here and, well, they just kind of are here because the other teams in the division were just worse than them. I’ve heard literally nothing about them this year outside of Staal has 40 goals? And Dubnyk needs to stop playing in back to back games so as not to ruin my fantasy team.

Jets win, no question about it.

(1) Vegas Golden Knights vs. (WC1) Los Angeles Kings

So, um, did anyone have Vegas even in the playoffs this year? Because I’m pretty sure we all had them as a crap team. But here they are, number one seed, and an actual contender. They used five goalies in the beginning of the season because they kept getting hurt. But damn – between Karlsson, Marchessault, the fake deal James Neal, and Fleury, and others, they are a threat.

The Los Angeles Kings are still the Los Angeles Kings. They struggled in the beginning of the season if I remember correctly but they got it together.

I don’t think I can just pick Vegas and move on so quickly. I do believe Vegas will win, but this won’t be as easy as the first two matchups. If anyone can take out the higher seed in the first round, it’s in this series. Quick is still great and the Kings have more experience. Still think Vegas takes it.

(2) Anaheim Ducks vs. (3) San Jose Sharks

The Anaheim Ducks are sadly still here even though they’ve been hit or miss all year.

The San Jose Sharks have been quietly really good, and now they have Evander Kane to go along with Pavelski, Couture, Burns, Hertl, and Thornton.

Sharks will win.

——————————–Eastern Conference——————————————-

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (WC1) Columbus Blue Jackets

The Washington Capitals have won their division and have done so fairly quietly – the past few years they’ve been the favorite going in. This year, while they certainly are strong contenders, the attention doesn’t seem to be on them as it is on other teams. Maybe the pressure being off will bring them better luck.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are in a similar boat to Washington – not much attention on them either.

I can’t pick against Washington, even though I could definitely see Columbus – specifically Bobrovsky – frustrating the Caps and stealing the series, especially since Holtby has struggled recently. But, Caps.

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (3) Philadelphia Flyers

The Pittsburgh Penguins struggled in the beginning of the season before realizing they were the Penguins and here they are.

The Philadelphia Flyers are a team I accidentally saw a ton of games of this year and I still don’t really know that much about their season.

Aren’t we all happy this series is happening? I know I am. Obviously the Pens are the favorites but if any team could knock them out in the first round, it’s the Flyers. Philadelphia gives them fits. Still, Pittsburgh to win.

(1) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (WC2) New Jersey Devils

The Tampa Bay Lightning were the best team in the league for most of the season, and the only reason they didn’t win the Presidents Trophy is because they slowed down a bit closer to the end of the season – so much so that Boston is only a point behind them.

The New Jersey Devils have made the playoffs for the first time in six years on the back of Taylor Hall.

If Tampa lost I’d be super surprised about it. They’re my pick to win the Cup.

(2) Boston Bruins vs. (3) Toronto Maple Leafs

The Boston Bruins definitely surpassed everyone’s expectations this year and are one of the best teams in the league.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have had another great season – better than last year’s – and had Matthews been healthy all year, they may have gotten an even higher seed. They still lack on defense a bit but their offense is lights out and Andersen has been great.

This will be a tough series – either team could win. Both have great goaltending and can score tons of goals. The difference is that Boston’s goal scorers are all on one line whereas the Leafs’ are spread out, giving the Leafs the advantage. Plus Boston is deal with more significant injuries. It will probably go seven, but as long as the Leafs don’t get a 4-1 lead in game seven, they will have their revenge.

Alright, well that’s the first round. More predictions when it’s over.

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WWE WrestleMania 34 Review, Comments, Etc.

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That was a very long show and I’m not exactly sure how I felt about it. There’s only one thing that made me mad that I wasn’t already mad about, so I guess that’s good??

Matt Hardy and Naomi won the battle royals. I don’t know why they would give the battle royal to anyone that isn’t Becky, Ruby, or someone from NXT (because Sasha and Bayley are feuding so they need to eliminate each other) but they went with irrelevance. Oh and you gave Sasha a jobber entrance – you NEVER give Sasha a jobber entrance.

Cedric won the Cruiserweight title in a good match.

But, onto the main show.

The first match was the Intercontinental Championship match between Miz, Seth, and Finn. This match was pretty good I would say although I was surprised to see Seth win. I thought Finn would win. But there certainly wasn’t a wrong winner in this and it was a good way to open the show.

Rating: ***

In the obvious tragedy of the show, Charlotte ended Asuka’s undefeated streak to retain what is now known as Asuka’s WWE Blue Women’s Championship. I didn’t think WWE could legitimately be this stupid to give Asuka’s undefeated streak to someone who didn’t need it but I should have realized Charlotte’s nepotism is far too OP for anyone to overcome, not even Asuka. Hindsight being 20/20, we know now more than ever that Ember should have beaten Asuka at Takeover Brooklyn. Most of us already knew this. Anyways – I guess the match was somewhat better than expected, but objectively wrong result fucks it up. I guess the silver lining is that at least someone like Alexa, Nia, or Ronda didn’t end it.

Rating: **1/2

Jinder Mahal pinned Rusev in an average Fatal 4-Way to win the U.S. Championship to make us all hate ourselves.

Rating: **

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs. Triple H and Ronda was next and this was a jumbled clusterfuck. I feel like if it was half as long I’d have enjoyed it, but it was definitely too long. WWE really needs to just ditch mixed tags and do intergender matches instead of just having a jumbled mess like this where eventually everyone fights everyone anyway and you no longer know who’s legal.

Rating: **

The Bludgeon Brothers defeated the Usos and the New Day in a far too short match to win the WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship.

Rating: **

Undertaker squashed John Cena and it was fun.

Rating: **1/2

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon defeated Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens in what I’d probably consider the match of the night. While it’s a little hard to believe that Shane took that much punishment for so long, one can’t deny the awesomeness of Daniel Bryan’s hot tag.

Rating: ***1/2

Nia Jax won the WWE Women’s Championship from Alexa Bliss in a trash match. There was only one way to make this not suck and it was for it to be a minute long squash. The only way to have saved this match was for Carmella to cash in but she didn’t so it failed. But this is what happens when you entrust your women’s title match to people like Alexa and Nia instead of Sasha and Bayley and Asuka. I don’t feel sorry for you, WWE – you flat out deserved it.

Rating: DUD

A.J. Styles defeated Shinsuke Nakamura to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in a good match. I was a little tired by this point so I’m not sure I appreciated it as much as I could have, so perhaps I’m underselling it. However, while it was really good, I’m not sure I can say “classic” like some people may be quick to put on it. And I’m not mad that A.J. retained either – and while I’m a little hesitant at a Shinsuke heel turn, let’s see where it goes.

Rating: ***

Braun beat the Bar to win the WWE World Tag Team Championship on his own. There may have been a ten year old child involved.

Rating: **1/2

And finally, Brock Lesnar hit Roman Reigns with about six F-5’s or seven and retained the Universal Championship, for reasons.

Rating: **

Overall, I’m not really sure how I feel. I’m not really angry, I’m not really mad, I’m just kind of numb to it now that it’s over. Nothing was particularly great and only a few things were terrible. An average show but not necessarily worse than last year. Possibly better.

Overall Grade: C+

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-

WWE WrestleMania 34 Final Card and Results

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WWE World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
My Winner: Either
Probable Winner: Shinsuke Nakamura
Winner, and still WWE World Heavyweight Champion, A.J. Styles

WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns
My Winner: Roman Reigns?
Probable Winner: Roman Reigns
Winner, and still WWE Universal Champion, Brock Lesnar

Triple H and Stephanie McMahon vs. Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey
My Winners: Meh
Probable Winners: Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey
Winners: Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey

Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon
My Winners: Either
Probable Winners: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon
Winners: Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon

John Cena vs. Undertaker
My Winner: Undertaker
Probable Winner: Undertaker
Winner: Undertaker

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor
My Winner: Either
Probable Winner: Seth Rollins
Winner, and new WWE Intercontinental Champion, Seth Rollins

Fatal 4-Way Match for the WWE U.S. Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev
My Winner: Rusev
Probable Winner: Randy Orton
Winner, and new WWE U.S. Champion, Jinder Mahal

WWE World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Bar (c) vs. Braun Strowman
My Winners: Braun Strowman
Probable Winners: Braun Strowman
Winner, and new WWE World Tag Team Champions, Braun Strowman

Triple Threat Tag Team Match for the WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Usos (c) vs. The Bludgeon Brothers vs. The New Day
Winners: Either, but the Bludgeon Brothers
Probable Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers
Winners, and new WWE Blue World Tag Team Champions, The Bludgeon Brothers

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali
My Winner: Either, but Cedric Alexander
Probable Winner: Cedric Alexander
Winner, and new WWE Cruiserweight Champion, Cedric Alexander

WWE Blue Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Asuka
My Winner: Asuka
Probable Winner: Asuka
Winner, and still WWE Blue Women’s Champion, Charlotte

WWE Women’s Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax
My Winner: Meteor
Probable Winner: Nia Jax
Winner, and new WWE Women’s Champion, Nia Jax

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale
My Winner: One of the entrants
Probable Winner: Vacant
Winner: Matt Hardy

Women’s Battle Royale
My Winner: Any of the women who should have been in the title matches instead of the ones that are (besides Asuka)
Probable Winner: Whomever makes me want to die the most
Winner: Naomi

NXT Takeover: New Orleans Review, Comments, Etc.

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HOLY SHIT. Well, now that real WrestleMania is over, we may as well cancel the show tomorrow because there’s no way they’re following that.

The first match was the ladder match for the North American Championship and this was flat out nuts. Ricochet and Velveteen Dream were the stars of this match. A lot of these matches you really just have to go watch as I always say – I’m not really a great reviewer of good shows as I am a reviewer of things I can bitch and moan about and/or predict, so just watch it. I wasn’t expecting Cole to win but I’m certainly not mad about it either.

Ember vs. Shayna for the Women’s title was next. Let me just say, I wasn’t super excited for this before the show but then I found out Lzzy Hale was singing Ember’s theme ten minutes before the show and suddenly I was excited as hell. Now, the only reason I wasn’t super excited is because I don’t feel like they added much to the build since their first match. Anyways, that said – I enjoyed this match more than the first. Not that the first was bad, but it was very much like Bayley vs. Nia and I don’t like the “heel dominates for forever and then the face wins” kind of deal. The submission went far too long in the first match before the finish. But, this was much better – still a bit long but good. Shayna won which was expected. I hope Charlotte/Asuka and Alexa/Nia see what they have to compete with and realize they have no chance because one of those is gonna suck and Asuka won’t be able to get a good match out of Charlotte.

The NXT Tag Team Championship match was very good and I was surprised to see Strong turn on Dunne and join Undisputed Era. Adam Cole is a double champ now.

The first of two main events saw Aleister Black winning the NXT Championship from Andrade Cien Almas in an amazing match. Again, just go watch it. Zelina tried one too many times to interfere and it cost Almas the match.

And finally Ciampa vs. Gargano was flat out insane. I love that Ciampa didn’t have music and just came out to deafening boos. I love all of the callbacks to their first match and their feud and it was just awesome. Now stop reading this and just go watch the damn show.

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-

NXT Takeover: New Orleans Final Card and Results

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NXT World Heavyweight Championship
Andrade Cien Almas (c) vs. Aleister Black
My Winner: Either
Probable Winner: Aleister Black
Winner, and new NXT World Heavyweight Champion, Aleister Black

Unsanctioned Match
Tommaso Ciampa vs. Johnny Gargano
My Winner: Either, but Ciampa
Probable Winner: Johnny Gargano
Winner: Johnny Gargano

Ladder Match for the NXT North American Championship
Ricochet vs. Adam Cole vs. Velveteen Dream vs. EC3 vs. Lars Sullivan vs. Killian Dain
My Winner: Ricochet, Velveteen Dream, or Adam Cole
Probable Winner: Ricochet
Winner, and new NXT North American Champion, Adam Cole

NXT Women’s Championship
Ember Moon (c) vs. Shayna Baszler
My Winner: Either
Probable Winner: Shayna Baszler
Winner, and new NXT Women’s Champion, Shayna Baszler

Triple Threat Match for the NXT World Tag Team Championship
(c) Undisputed Era (c) vs. Roderick Strong and Pete Dunne vs. Authors of Pain
My Winners: Not Authors of Pain
Probable Winners: Undisputed Era
Winners, and still NXT World Tag Team Champions, The Undisputed Era

WWE WrestleMania 34 Predictions, Comments, Etc.

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Well, we’re finally here. WrestleMania is finally here again. But is it, really? Is this really WrestleMania? Because I was of the impression that Mania was where all the best matches and the big stories come to a head. And that’s not what this is. This is, for the most part, WWE throwing as much shit against the wall and seeing what sticks as they can. Sure, there are a few matches on here that will be good. The problem is that I count maybe six of those if we’re lucky, and there are 14 total matches.

I confess myself disappointed. Two months ago so many other options – so many really good options – were available to them. But then the card got leaked, and, well…everyone stopped caring. I had hope that a good amount of those matches that I thought could happen would actually happen. Not all of them – that’s not realistic. But a good amount of them. But WWE is intent on having the worst possible card they can. Almost all of this show is the worst case scenario. My interest in this show basically died at Elimination Chamber, after they visually proved to me how stupid they are. I refused to believe the internet reports until that show happened that they are as dumb as the reports said.

I’m kind of dawdling here because there are so many problems with this show that I’m not even sure where to begin. I have to rant about all of the matches, I’m going to talk about the Hall of Fame, I’m going to talk about what could have been, and the ideal scenario going forward. I feel like I need to rant about all three women’s matches at once because the rant is all interconnected and I’m not sure I can do them separately without it spilling over. I’ve been dying to write this post for about a month now – the moment I knew this card was going to happen, I was ready. It’s only been building since then. Well, let’s just get on with it – I feel like it’s going to take all night. We’re going to start lower on the card and start with some non-rants, though. We’re going to build this up.

Everything Wrong with WrestleMania 34

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Okay, this match just kind of exists. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s just there. I have no rants about it, although it would be nice if the Revival were in, you know, a tag team title match and not a battle royal because they’re amazing and being wasted. But, that’s about the only real complaint I have. I guess the same goes for Tye. But, all things aside, this match is what it is. As far as a winner goes, it makes the most sense to give this match to Elias. He’s the one going into this with the most build who could use another feather in his cap. Tye wouldn’t be a bad choice either. I could also see Matt Hardy or a returning Big Cass win.

Prediction AND Ideal Outcome: Elias

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali


Now this is a match I’m looking forward to. It’s disappointing that this will be on the preshow AGAIN but what can I do to make WWE actually appreciate their talent that’s actually good? I don’t really watch 205 Live but it sounds like the show’s been better since its revamp. I’m not really going to say it’s a shame what happened to Enzo because, quite frankly, while I think it’s clear the rape accusation was false, it’s still pretty clear that he’s a garbage human and his existence in the company is not required. (IMPORTANT NOTE: Believe women. Don’t let one idiot turn you into one of those fucktards who immediately defend their beloved celebrity hero guys just out of ignorant fuckboyism.)  Plus, we get a far better match than we could ever get out of Enzo out of it, so really, there’s no loss here. I don’t mind who wins. I have no real reason to pick one over the other outside of the fact that Cedric seems like the chosen one of the cruiserweights.

Ideal Outcome: Either

Prediction: Cedric Alexander

Fatal 4-Way for the WWE U.S. Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal


I don’t really have much of a rant for this, but until Rusev was put into this match I didn’t give a single fuck about it. I mean, why would anyone think Randy “All Lives Matter There’s Not Enough God in Our Schools” Orton, Gloriously Boring Bobby Roode, and Anti-American Gimmick #3245647383 would amount to a good match? Now I don’t really think the addition of Rusev isn’t going to improve the match THAT much, but it will give me someone to root for at least – even though I don’t think it’s going to happen.

What Could Have Been: Well, really the fact that Rusev has basically gotten over huge as a face made what I was hoping for become not really an option since it really requires Rusev to be hated – that was Rusev vs. Chad Gable.

Ideal Outcome: Rusev wins

Prediction: Randy Orton

WWE World Tag Team Champonship
(c) The Bar (c) vs. Braun Strowman and ??


So, you’re telling me that you’ve been building Braun Strowman up as a monster for two years, and last year he gets stuck in a battle royal, and this year he’s stuck in a tag team title match with a mystery partner? Now, I don’t want to take away from this match in itself, because it should still be fun and I’ve always enjoyed guessing who a mystery person is. As far as partner’s go, I wanted it to be Elias but that’s not happening. We could see whatever Bray Wyatt is going to be now. But I kind of want Braun to win on his own.

What could have been: The Bar vs. The Revival could have been a thing, guys. Also, more importantly, Braun Strowman, the hottest thing in your company and built like a guy WWE would want to push, could have won the title tonight finally – or even defended the title against Reigns. How that didn’t become a reality is a tragedy.

Ideal Outcome: Braun wins on his own.

Prediction: Braun Strowman and ??

Triple Threat for the WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Usos (c) vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers


This will be one of the best matches on the card. No question about it. I’m happy the Usos are finally on a main card and I’m glad Luke Harper gets a match that actually matters. I’m still hoping it ends up being a TLC match, but considering it isn’t, oh well. I’m not going to be mad at any result, but I think there’s an obvious route this needs to go.

Prediction AND Ideal Outcome: The Bludgeon Brothers

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor


This isn’t the match I would have made here but I’ve got nothing against this match, either. All three guys are great. I’m struggling to not pick the Miz here because if he loses it, I don’t see a particular reason to put the title on one over the other. I guess Finn would make the most sense because he needs it more than Seth would – especially if Finn’s the demon. I hope so. A lot of people are saying “Oh it doesn’t make sense because of the story” but then you’re trying to tell me that Finn Balor, the guy known for his special entrances, isn’t going to do his special entrance on the show where literally everyone has a special entrance now.

Ideal Outcome: The Miz retains so he can move on to a storyline with Daniel Bryan over the IC Title, although I guess he doesn’t need the title for it.

Prediction: The Miz

Trust me, this hasn’t been rant heavy, but they’re coming soon. The only rant I’ve thrown out is the U.S. Title one but it’s really just apathy and not anger.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens

Everyone’s looking forward to this one now, obviously. I’m not even mad Sami vs. KO isn’t happening. As much as I’m looking forward to this match, I’m sick to death of this angle, and I hope it comes to an end here. The question is – will someone turn on someone? And I say yes. But I don’t know who! There’s no way Shane and Bryan lose without someone turning on the other, and I think KO and Sami need to win. They could just go to Raw, but I don’t need them to change brands again. Also, let’s please get one thing straight – I know Daniel Bryan is back now and we all love him and it’s great, but let’s not go back to the mentality of Daniel Bryan or bust. It was bullshit before, it’s even worse if it happens now. I will not accept the mentality of “If Bryan doesn’t win the Rumble and subsequently the title then fuck this company!” It made sense in 2014. BUT ONLY IN 2014. There are plenty of problems about Roman Reigns, yes, but we’re not going back to that crap. You have to remember that we have Daniel Bryan back now and that’s awesome, but we also have AJ Styles, Seth Rollins, Finn Balor, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, Rusev, Shinsuke Nakamura, Ricochet, Adam Cole, Andrade Cien Almas, Tommaso Ciampa, Johnny Gargano, Aleister Black, and a bunch of others. We’re not fighting for just one guy here and you better act accordingly.

Ideal Outcome: Sami and Kevin win after Shane turns on Bryan, ultimately leading to Bryan vs. the stable and potentially moving on to the title. Or, Daniel and Shane win and Bryan moves to Raw. Regardless, either Bryan or Styles will be on Raw soon, I don’t think a brand can contain both of them.

Prediction: Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens

WWE World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura


Absolutely nothing wrong here – this is exactly where we were supposed to end up. Which is weird, considering that usually doesn’t happen. Now, a story would’ve been nice. You can’t just throw “Dream Match” at me a million times and expect that to work. I’m struggling to want Shinsuke to win over A.J. just because I love A.J. so much. I love Shinsuke, but I probably don’t love him as much as others do. But, they fucked up terribly putting Jinder fucking Mahal over him and that was a travesty. WWE’s extreme mishandling of Shinsuke has made the ignorant part of the fan base legitimately think he’s not as great as he is – and the fault lies in the hands of WWE entirely. Like I said earlier, I’m pretty sure A.J. is going to end up on Raw soon, or Bryan will – but probably A.J. I don’t think WWE wants to put Bryan and Reigns on the same show, so Shinsuke wins.

Prediction: Shinsuke Nakamura

Okay, we’ve pretty much gone through the non-rants, so we’re going to have to get through them now. A few thoughts on the Hall of Fame first, though. (Also contains rants.)

Not much to say about Goldberg, Jeff Jarrett, Hillbilly Jim, Mark Henry, and D-Von and Bubba Ray “Defender of Stalking” Dudley. Outside of Jim and Jeff they deserve it.

Now, I have no ill will towards Ivory herself, and it’s not a rant about her. She deserves to be there. I just need to yell at WWE for pretending that she was some kind of important cog in their “Women’s Revolution” that they tried to do when they announced her. IF SOMEONE FROM 2001 WAS THAT IMPORTANT OF A COG IN THE WOMEN’S REVOLUTION THEN WHY WERE THERE TEN YEARS OF IRRELEVANT WOMEN’S WRESTLING AFTER SHE LEFT??? THE “WOMEN’S REVOLUTION” CAME TO EXIST BECAUSE OF YEARS OF IRRELEVANCE AFTER IVORY’S EXISTENCE. YOU CAN’T BE PART OF THE SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM THAT CAME AFTER YOU.

Sigh.

And then there’s Kid Rock. Terrible rocker and now conservative psychopath that thinks he’s running for senate. Yes, this fucktard is being inducted into the Hall of Fame for having done one of Undertaker’s theme songs and having a boring as fuck ten minute long concert NO ONE WANTED to see at Mania 25 and then subsequently had some kind of contract dispute that kept the concert from being on the dvd.

Anyways, moving on.

Rant time.

John Cena vs. Undertaker

This match is happening, don’t try to tell me it isn’t. I’m pretty sure the reason they haven’t announced this match is just so I can’t have a proper match picture for this. Now my only real rant about this is that I really don’t need anymore Undertaker matches. I’m fine with him being done. I certainly don’t need him to show up on Sunday and announce a match with Cena NEXT YEAR. ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU DON’T BUILD TO A MATCH FOR MORE THAN A MONTH AND THEN NOT DO IT FOR NO REASON. (Cough Sasha vs. Bayley Cough) Anyways, there’s no way Biker Taker is happening. If this is Taker’s last match, it’s NOT going to be as Biker Taker. And there’s NO REASON for Undertaker to lose ever again. The streak is over and he put over Roman. He doesn’t need to lose to Cena. It’s not even a “OMG it’s Cena thing.” There’s just no point of bringing Taker back just for him to lose to Cena.

Prediction: Undertaker

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

You know, I don’t really have a problem with Ronda’s existence in the company, because it’s fine. It’s just when I hear people say how she showed up and is now the top star of the women’s division. HELL FUCKING NO. You do not come into the company and get accepted as a top star just because you have a name. Sure, Ronda Rousey has a name. She doesn’t have wrestling skills to my knowledge and she certainly can’t talk on the mic either. You go to the performance center, train, learn the craft, and in a few years, we’ll talk. Until then, stop pretending she’s arrived and jumped ahead of all of the other women there. Ronda showed up, but she did NOT jump in front of Sasha, Becky, Bayley, and Asuka, etc. That being said – Ronda is supposed to be this big star and you PUT HER IN A MIXED TAG MATCH. You can’t even showcase her properly because half of it is Kurt vs. HHH. Was the MMC just to make mixed tag matches seem important before this match happened? I feel like it was. And don’t give me some bullshit about Ronda ending Asuka’s streak.

Prediction: Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey

Now I don’t know if I can separate the women’s matches rants into three spots but I guess I’m going to have to try.

WWE Blue Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Asuka


Sigh. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone mistakenly present this match as a dream match because I’d be rich. STOP PRETENDING CHARLOTTE IS GOOD. STOP PRETENDING CHARLOTTE IS SOME KIND OF WRESTLING GOD. Charlotte is trash. In the age where we’re supposed to believe WWE cares about women’s wrestling, they push the mediocre blonde woman with a famous last name instead of the ones with talent. Asuka to win, no Carmella cash in. And when this match is bad because Charlotte is terrible, don’t be surprised and don’t blame it on lack of chemistry. Sadly there is a chance Charlotte could win even though she is definitely not the person to end Asuka’s streak. (Let’s be real, the right person to end Asuka’s streak was Ember Moon back in August, but here we are.)

What could have been: This should have been Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch. Or even better. And then when Becky wins, Carmella cashes in and wins. Becky won the title in 2016 by last eliminating Carmella, and they feuded – bring it full circle.

Prediction and Ideal Outcome: Asuka

WWE Women’s Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This is the best thing they can come up with for the women’s title HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What a fucking joke. “Hi we’re WWE and we care about our women and here’s this title match between mediocrity and trash” aka  Alexa “I think getting rid of Net Neutrality is a good idea and I won a match with a slap so clearly I’m actually a good wrestler even though I’m afraid to take a bump” Bliss and Nia “I’m gonna walk out of the company because I lost to someone who can actually wrestle. Also I’m related to the Rock” Jax. Good God. WHY? WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR FANS WWE? WHY ARE YOU INSULTING OUR INTELLIGENCE THAT THIS WAS THE BEST WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH YOU CAN COME UP WITH? LMAO FUCK OFF. “HI WE’RE WWE AND WE CARE ABOUT OUR WOMEN BUT HERE’S OUR MEDIOCRE CHAMPIONS WHILE OUR GOOD WOMEN ARE STUCK ON THE PRESHOW IN A BATTLE ROYAL.” Anyways, now that that’s over, for now – this is trash and you know you’re fucking up when you make me root for someone as mediocre as Bliss. So am I supposed to feel bad for Nia? Because I don’t. I don’t need to have my awareness raised to fatshaming because I don’t fatshame people – I’m normal and don’t need to be told I shouldn’t call people bad names. I don’t care about who Nia is, what she looks like, etc. Fact remains she’s bad at her job so until she improves, you don’t belong being the champion. This should be on the preshow. Anyways, as much as I’m going to hate Jax as a champion, I’m going to laugh at the sorry Alexa stans when their mediocre hero loses to basically the worst possible option that isn’t Many Rose – and quite honestly, Alexa fans deserve it not only for their insane notion that Alexa is actually a good wrestler just because she has decent mic skills, but because they also think this match is a “dream match” even though for something to be a dream match, it needs to be between two good wrestlers – and this match doesn’t even have one.

What could have been: SASHA BANKS VS. ASUKA WAS A POSSIBILITY AND YOU CHOSE THIS TRASH. GG WWE, any transparency you had about who you push is gone. Instead of pushing talent, you push these mediocre people because of their hair color and last names. Your champions are basically just new age Bella Twins.

Ideal Outcome: Ideally Carmella cashes in and walks out the champ so I don’t have to deal with either of them.

Prediction: Nia Jax

Women’s Battle Royal

Where do I start with this? Should I start with WWE pretending to care about their women and then originally naming this after a woman who is widely known to essentially be a racist pimp that exploited her trainees sexually? Should I start with the fact that the trophy looks like the female reproductive organs? Should I start with the fact that you’re calling this the first ever WrestleMania women’s battle royal when there was a women’s battle royal at WrestleMania 25? I mean, I know that 10 minute boring Kid Rock concert was cut from Mania 25, but I happen to know that that concert had the women in that battle royal making their entrance during. Or should I start with the fact that Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, and Bayley – the backbone of the entire women’s division, the women who have brought the women’s division to where it is today – it wasn’t Charlotte who did this, it certainly wasn’t Alexa fucking Bliss or Nia fucking Jax – it was Sasha, Becky, and Bayley – and you put these women in a meaningless battle royal on the preshow. You want to present the women as if you care but you’ve positioned them so that we get two mediocre title matches because everyone but Asuka doesn’t know what they’re doing while the women that are good waste their time on the preshow. I feel so bad for them – how bad it must be for them to be as good as they are and to keep getting passed over for their inferiors. WWE doesn’t deserve them, to be honest.

What could have been: YOU BUILT SASHA VS BAYLEY FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN PUT THEM IN A BATTLE ROYAL. DUMBASSES. Now when they do this again a year from now I’m going to have to listen to people bitch about how they built this up a year ago for nothing and “IT’S TIRED” and “WE’VE DONE THIS” by fucking stupid stans. Anyways, you could have put a women’s match on this card that people actually WANTED to see, and one that had a rivalry and an actual story behind it, because the other two matches don’t have one. But instead we get a battle royal and two bullshit title matches.

Ideal outcome: Ideally Sasha Bayley and Becky eliminate everyone immidiately and then have their rightful match they should be having.

Prediction: Becky Lynch

WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns

Now I don’t really have a big rant about this, really. I’m just putting this about here because it’s the main event and it goes last. Now, I really don’t give a fuck. I’m ready to have an actual champion. I know that’s what WWE wants me to think but too bad. Now, Roman’s promos would mean something if this wasn’t a scenario WWE couldn’t fix just by saying “Brock, show up.” Because they could and he’d have to. Heyman’s promo about Brock a month ago would mean something maybe if Brock had been there. Roman saying that Brock is Vince’s boy is comical at best. And really, WWE – you put THAT song in their buildup video and not in the Ciampa/Gargano video? LOL thanks for that. Anyways, Braun belongs here in some capacity and you know it.

Prediction: Roman Reigns

Phew, it’s finally over. I guess it’s not as ranty as I felt it was going to be but that’s fine. Anyways, review Sunday.

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-

NXT Takeover: New Orleans Predictions, Comments, Etc.

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Welcome to NXT Takeover: New Orleans, aka actual WrestleMania – considering how much they fucked up the WrestleMania card they could have there’s really no surprise there. This card looks insane. Philadelphia was amazing – but this looks like the best Takeover possible. I am so pumped for this show that even the good matches on Mania seem like they don’t exist.

NXT Women’s Championship
Ember Moon (c) vs. Shayna Baszler


This is really the only match that’s kind of just there to me, even though it’s going to be good. It’s really just that Shayna should’ve won the title at Philadelphia and this should be the return match – and maybe even include Kairi Sane. Regardless, Shayna will win and Ember will be called up.

Prediction: Shayna Baszler

Triple Threat Tag Team Match for the NXT World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Undisputed Era (c) vs. Pete Dunne and Roderick Strong vs. The Authors of Pain


I really kind of wish this wasn’t a triple threat and AOP wasn’t here, but this should still be really good. Undisputed Era is great and I love Pete Dunne and Roddy is good too, so this should be exciting. I don’t believe we’ll see a title change.

Prediction: The Undisputed Era

Ladder Match for the NXT North American Championship
Ricochet vs. Velveteen Dream vs. Adam Cole vs. Lars Sullivan vs. EC3 vs. Killian Dain

Well I don’t really know if NXT needs another title but I’m certainly here for this match. It’s no secret that Ricochet is amazing as is Velveteen Dream and Adam Cole who gets to pull double duty here, and Lars is cool too. I’m not sure how I feel about EC3 yet. And Dain is just kind of there. This match will be insane. And really anyone of Ricochet, Dream, and Cole or even Lars I have no problem with winning whatsoever.

Prediction: Ricochet

NXT World Heavyweight Championship
Andrade Cien Almas (c) vs. Aleister Black


Guys this match is going to be insanely good and I’m not talking about it last. There is another match on this show that I’m even more excited for. Think about that. This is Andrade Cien Almas vs. Aleister Black and knowing what we saw in Philadelphia, we know this is going to on that level too. I know a lot of people were disappointed Gargano didn’t win the title and that his match with Ciampa isn’t for the belt, but that match doesn’t need it. You kind of need this match to be for the belt for it to happen. I don’t even know who I want to win this match – I want both of them to tbh.

Prediction: Aleister Black

Unsanctioned Match
Johnny Gargano vs. Tommaso Ciampa


And then there’s this – the match we’ve all been waiting for. The match we’ve been waiting for since the first one in the CWC, and then even more after Ciampa turned on him in Chicago. Good lord have you heard how much heat Ciampa’s been getting? This is a heel in a time where being a heel is nearly impossible. The build is amazing, the match will be amazing. There will be several insane matches this weekend and this will be at the top of them. I really want Ciampa to win, though. And I don’t know who is going to – it’s really up in the air.

Prediction: Johnny Gargano

This show is going to be insane. I can’t wait to watch it, but unfortunately right now I have to go predict a really bad looking show first.

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-

WWE Fast Lane 2018 Review, Comments, Etc.

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Well, Fast Lane didn’t piss me off like Elimination Chamber did, but it also was nothing spectacular and has confirmed things for Mania that I have no interest in. It was just blah and didn’t really need to exist.

Shinsuke and Rusev opened the show in a fairly good match but it doesn’t really do anything. There’s no story and it doesn’t do anything for either guy, really. Shinsuke won which you knew would happen, and Rusev is over as fuck as a heel who should be a face but is losing….

Rating: ***

Bobby Roode and Randy Orton had a really long, boring match that ended with Randy Orton winning the U.S. Title because….why? FML. Good job, WWE, you put the U.S. title to an idiot who says All Lives Matter and thinks God isn’t allowed in our schools even though too much God is allowed in our schools. And then Jinder got involved so you know we’re getting a triple threat at Mania which is the only way to make this worse.

Rating: *

Becky Lynch and Naomi faced Carmella and Natalya in a decent match until Natalya got in the ring near the end and botched up a storm. But it’s Nattie, what do you expect?

Rating: *

New Day vs. Usos was enjoyable with them all doing each other’s moves until the Bludgeon Brothers came out and beat the shit out of them, causing a no contest, which is about the only good thing on this show. That’s a triple threat I don’t mind at all.

Rating: **

Ruby Riott tried her hardest to get a good match out of Charlotte but, well, Charlotte. It was fairly decent until both teams got kicked out because the faces were booted and Riott Squad cheated but it led to literally NOTHING so who cares? Ruby does need a new finisher though. Charlotte retained, no one cared, Asuka came out and made everyone still delusional enough to think Charlotte is good cream their pants because they’re under the delusion that Charlotte/Asuka is a dream match when really Charlotte couldn’t hang with Asuka if she tried.

Rating: *1/2

And the Six Pack Challenge was basically a finisher fest as we knew it would be, and Shane McMahon ruined everything and needs to be fired. A.J. retained. Hurray.

Rating: ***

You could have had a good Mania card, but instead we’re getting trash. Good job WWE.

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-

WWE Fast Lane 2018 Final Card and Results

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Six Pack Challenge for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
My Winner: A.J. Styles
Probable Winner: A.J. Styles
Winner, and still WWE World Heavyweight Champion, A.J. Styles

WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Usos (c) vs. The New Day
My Winners: The Usos
Probable Winners: The Usos
Winner: No Contest; Still WWE Blue World Tag Team Champions, The Usos

WWE U.S. Championship
Bobby Roode (c) vs. Randy Orton
My Winner: Don’t Care
Probable Winner: Bobby Roode
Winner, and new WWE U.S. Champion, Randy Orton

WWE Blue Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Ruby Riott
My Winner: Ruby Riott
Probable Winner: Charlotte
Winner, and still WWE Blue Women’s Champion, Charlotte

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev
My Winner: Either
Probable Winner: Shinsuke Nakamura
Winner: Shinsuke Nakamura

Becky Lynch and Naomi vs. Carmella and Natalya
My Winners: Just Becky Lynch
Probable Winners: Becky Lynch and Naomi
Winners: Carmella and Natalya

WWE Fast Lane 2018 Predictions, Comments, Etc.

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Who’s ready for another shitty PPV?? Not me. After Elimination Chamber was such a disaster and Mania is shaping up to be as bad as they possibly can make it, it’s no doubt that the only show between now and Mania will be garbage as well.

Becky Lynch and Naomi vs. Carmella and Natalya

This match is happening because why, exactly? For reasons? For the love of god, Becky better get the Mania title shot because everything else in the Smackdown women’s division has been a tire fire recently. (Besides Carmella, Ruby Riott, and Sarah Logan.)

Prediction: Becky Lynch and Naomi

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Well at least this match will be good. It’s kind of random and just there because you kind of have to have the Rumble Winner on the show, but it’ll be good.

Prediction: Shinsuke Nakamura

WWE Blue Women’s Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Ruby Riott

If it was Becky vs. Ruby I would care. But it’s Charlotte and she’s terrible so WHY DO I GIVE A FUCK? (NO CHARLOTTE VS ASUKA, ONLY CHARLOTTE VS BECKY).

Prediction: Charlotte

WWE U.S. Championship
Bobby Roode (c) vs. Randy Orton


Who cares? They’re both so boring. And Jinder Mahal is involved. Kill me.

Prediction: Bobby Roode

WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Usos (c) vs. The New Day


I mean the match will be great, but we’ve seen this 48594858494839384 times now.

Prediction: The Usos

Six Pack Challenge for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
A.J. Styles (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. John Cena vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler


Why? Just, Why? Why instead of just A.J. vs. Sami one on one am I getting this bullshit? I can understand the triple threat. But then you throw in Baron and Dolph for no fucking reason. And now Cena’s here to try to get people to watch this show even though it’s booking decisions like making this match progressively larger that makes people not give a single fuck. Half of the participants HAVE NO REASON TO BE HERE OTHER THAN SHANE MCMAHON IS A FUCKING DUMBASS. THIS IS RUINING THE ENTIRE SHOW. STOP.

Prediction: A.J. Styles

Whatever.

#LaterMarks #DontTouchTheBombs #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #FaceThatRunsThePlace #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #StraightFire #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #YouKnowWhatThatMeans #TeamKICK

!bye

-Mzrc-