Alright, so it’s that time of the year where I go over what I asked to happen in WWE this year around this time last year, and make a list for next year. Let’s see how they did.
1) Let’s just get this out of the way now: Big Show, Kane, Natalya, Dolph Ziggler, Tamina, Dana Brooke, Nia Jax, TJ Perkins, Big Cass, Mandy Rose, and Jinder Mahal have got to go.
Well, we’re mostly rid of Big Show and Kane, and Big Cass is gone. The rest sadly are still around.
2) For the love of god, less PPVs.
3) Reassemble both shows’ women’s divisions so they’re worth watching. Smackdown literally only has Becky and Carmella and now the Riott Squad. Raw has a champion no one gives a fuck about, Nia Jax, and a number of great talents who are terribly underused/misused.
Well, they kind of did, but it took until August for Smackdown’s to start getting done well and Raw is still basically the same plus Ronda Rousey.
4) WWE must never give the WWE Title on a whim to a random jobber like they did with Jinder Mahal, and then have him hold the title all year, having awful PPV main event after awful PPV main event and ruining the credibility of the title and the show itself, making everyone lose all interest in the program. Especially when you keep having awful main events with Randy Orton, then job out Shinsuke Nakamura to him twice, and then consider Jinder having a match with Brock Lesnar – as if anyone is going to buy it – and then consider Jinder going into Mania as the champion against Cena, as if anyone will give a shit about that when they’re already going to have to have Roman vs. Brock..
5) Kane can never show up and beat someone like Finn Balor.
6) Braun Strowman must never be wasted in a feud with someone like Kane
Braun was ruined.
7) The Bludgeon Brothers must win the tag team titles because it’s ridiculous that Luke Harper hasn’t had any more titles since 2014.
8) Sasha Banks must turn heel, win the title, and never lose it for about a year and a half.
9) The Iconic Duo must debut
10) Someone the crowd likes must win the Royal Rumble
Success for both Rumbles
11) WWE must fix the other problems within the women’s division before they even consider tag titles for them
12) Alexa Bliss must actually become a better wrestler, stop botching, take a god damn bump, and not be a trash ass conservative so that all the idiot fanboys might actually sound sane when they say that she’s great – because right now when people say stupid delusional shit like “She’s the best heel on Raw” or “She outperformed Sasha” they sound like delusional marks and a psychopath with a grudge against superior wrestlers (because remember, talent is objective and Sasha is objectively superior to pretty much every female on the roster and also half the males at least) so next time when you say something dumb like that, remember the rest of us intelligent people who actually know stuff about wrestling are laughing at you. Don’t get mad when people say others are better than your favorites – just have better taste in favorites if you can’t handle the truth.
13) WrestleMania must actually be good.
Somewhere in between.
14) Bayley must be fixed
Good enough I guess.
15) Breezango must start having matches and not Fashion Files
Well considering Fandango is injured the team is dead.
16) Chad Gable must start having a singles run leading to him winning the U.S. and later the world title.
17) Whatever prank they’re pulling on us with Jason Jordan has got to stop
Unfortunately this happened because of injury which sucks
18) Ryback just needs to never talk about wrestling related stuff ever again and everyone better know not to listen to his bullshit podcast
19) WWE must stop thinking that we give a shit about Shane McMahon
20) The Mixed Match Challenge must become intergender wrestling otherwise I won’t give much of a shit. Stop giving a fuck about your bullshit sponsors and start giving a fuck about actual wrestling. You keep telling us how you’re progressiveness but you keep forgetting that the only way to actually have women be equal to men is by having intergender wrestling. Separate but equal is not equal. And remember, when some idiot tells you that intergender wrestling promotes domestic violence, you can just remind them that wrestling isn’t real.
21) ROYAL RUMBLE 2019 IN CHICAGO FFS.
FAIL. (Survivor Series tho!)
22) A.J. Lee must be put in the Hall of Fame.
23) Fix everything about the writing and booking, but that’s obvious.
24) No more Brock Lesnar as champion ever again
25) Everyone who goes on to a podcast and talks about women’s wrestling must not keep calling Charlotte a star and that they love what they’re doing with Charlotte and that she’s the best women’s wrestler ever when there are other women who are far superior to her who have actually carried the weight of the division on their backs to make her look good even though she’s garbage and get practically no credit for it.
26) We need every tag feud imaginable between The Usos, Bludgeon Brothers, Revival, Breezango, New Day, and Benjamin and Gable.
Somewhat success and somewhat fail
27) Booker T must stop being a commentator
28) Rusev must win more titles because it’s Rusev Day!
29) Bobby Roode must be stopped
30) The Cruiserweight Division must be saved
31) No more awful music acts being involved with WWE. No Machine Gun Kelly, No Kid Rock, etc.
Success – all I’ve seen is Halestorm which is yes.
32) Whatever is happening with Nia and Enzo can stop now.
Thankfully one of these idiots are gone and the other still needs to go.
33) Nepotism because of people’s relatives must end.
34) Johnny Gargano,Tommaso Ciampa, Velveteen Dream, and Aleister Black must win the NXT Championship
Two out of four
35) Peyton Royce, Kairi Sane, and Dakota Kai must all win the NXT Women’s Title
One out of three
36) Ember Moon must debut
Success. Now do something with her
37) Nikki Cross must be fixed
38) Cesaro must get a new theme
Alright, so if the WWE is actually listening to its fans now, then all of the following will happen in 2019.
1) Dean Ambrose’s heel character will be fixed into something that isn’t completely stupid. Also fix the theme.
2) Daniel Bryan will find the thing in every city he performs in’s that pisses off that city’s psycho conservatives the most and cut a scathing promo about their ignorance every week on Smackdown
3) Andrade Cien Almas will get the push he deserves in 2019.
4) Now that Asuka is Smackdown Women’s Champion, she must return to being the killer she was in NXT before they ruined her at WrestleMania by losing the streak she never should have to someone as garbage as Charlotte.
5) Nia Jax needs to end. She’s injured (or almost injured) Becky Lynch, Alexa Bliss twice, Sasha Banks once or twice, Emma, Zelina Vega, Charlotte, and Bayley. It’s time to go.
6) If WWE is serious about listening to its fans, the following will happen throughout 2018 – the women’s tag titles will be created, Sasha Banks and Bayley will win them first by defeating Trish and Lita at Mania, have a several month run before losing them, and then Sasha will FINALLY turn heel and face Bayley at SummerSlam, and they will feud through Evolution where they main event. This will lead to Sasha winning the Rumble in 2020 and the title at Mania 36 where she actually gets the legit run she has always deserved.
7) Becky Lynch must win the Royal Rumble and defeat Ronda Rousey in the Main Event of WrestleMania to win the Women’s Championship, and then hold the title for a year where she drops it to heel Sasha in the main event of Mania 36.
8) More people from 205 live need to start appearing on regular WWE programming and interacting with other non-cruiserweights.
9) The IIconics need to be made credible.
10) Ember Moon may be on the main roster, but she needs to be a serious part of the division and not just another body. In fact, she should be built up to face Asuka for the title at Mania or SummerSlam and win it from her because she should have won the title from her in NXT.
11) Seth Rollins must take the Universal Title from Brock Lesnar at Mania.
12) Finn Balor must have a feud worthy of the demon for Mania.
13) If Alexa Bliss returns to in ring competition, she must finally learn to bump properly so as not to put herself at even more risk and improve in the ring so that her matches aren’t awful. It won’t retroactively fix all those awful matches we had to sit through during her reign of doom but it will help her going forward if she continues to have the undeserved spotlight.
14) If WWE is serious about listening to its fans, they will realize that the biggest problems are nepotism/favoritism, pushing the wrong people, and the ineptitude of their writers. The answer is not more tv time for the McMahons, it’s less – and more of a shakeup backstage. Triple H needs to be running things, not Vince and Kevin Dunn. Fix that, then we’ll see how things go.
15) Evolution must be a yearly event
16) A.J. Lee must be put into the hall of fame.
17) Lacey Evans must not become the next Alexa Bliss. That being, she can’t be the next person who clearly wasn’t good enough to win the NXT Women’s Title but then suddenly get multiple undeserved championship reigns on the main roster. She may be a significantly better wrestler than Alexa is, but her character is ass backwards and not something that deserves to be promoted in 2018.
18) Nikki Cross needs to calm the fuck down.
19) Ronda Rousey needs to figure out how to not tweet really weird shit and also admit Sandy Hook happened. And not try to call people gay as if it’s an insult.
20) Lars Sullivan needs to be released before he makes it onto tv.
21) The Revival must win the tag titles.
22) Bianca Belair must win the NXT Women’s Title, and followed at some point by Io Shirai.
23) At least several of the following must make the main roster: Kairi Sane, Aleister Black, Velveteen Dream, Tommaso Ciampa, Johnny Gargano, and Undisputed Era
24) Ruby Riott or Bayley must win MITB for the women. If Bayley wins, she cashes in by requesting a match with Becky the PPV before SummerSlam and Sasha costs her the match and that’s her heel turn.
25) Intergender wrestling must exist again. And then immediately give us Sasha and Bayley vs. The Revival and Becky Lynch vs. Seth Rollins.
26) Dakota Kai must be made into a credible competitor once she returns from injury so that sometime near the end of the year or early 2020 she can win the NXT Women’s Title
27) Sami Zayn needs to be pushed towards a world title upon his return.
28) Finn Balor and Drew McIntyre must also be in the world title picture this year
29) Mandy Rose needs to stop being a thing