Alright, so with the last WWE PPV having happened last night, I think we can go through my wish list for WWE in 2017 and see what they succeeded and failed on, and then make the 2018 list. Sure, there are two weeks left of tv, but it would appear unlikely that they could really change the results.
So here we go. In 2017:
1) Raw must use the same writing team as Smackdown. That or EVERYONE I like on Raw MUST be traded to Smackdown so I do not have to watch Raw anymore.
Well, they don’t have the same writing team, but in 2017, the quality of Raw’s and Smackdown’s writing has been fairly equal. Unfortunately it was Smackdown coming down to Raw’s level of awful, though.
2) WWE must dedicate one episode of Raw for Charlotte to lose and win the Women’s Title 12 more times so we can get her inevitable 16 title reigns out of the way, and warn us in advance so we can all skip that episode. That way we can get the inevitable out of the way and perhaps move on to women’s champions that are actually good and stories that are good.
She didn’t do that. And somehow she only won a title one time. Unfortunately she still exists though.
3) The Paige situation must be resolved. Either release her like she clearly wants or give her the push she actually deserves when she returns.
4) At some point we need a Shield vs. Wyatts vs. New Day vs. Club match
5) WWE MUST stop scheduling Total Bellas or Total Divas on the same night and at the same time as Lucha Underground and pretend that any of their fans ACTUALLY watch their reality show trash when the best wrestling show on tv airs at the same time.
Fail. Not only did they fail at it, but they decided to have Tribute to the Troops on the night everyone went to see Star Wars and thought people were going to watch.
6) Sasha Banks, Bayley, Emma, and Becky Lynch must ALL be in important matches at WrestleMania. Charlotte vs. Bayley and some meaningless tag match is NOT acceptable.
Besides Emma, I guess this happened?
7) Charlotte must lose for a straight year on PPV, or at least pushed according to her talent and not her last name. No one with the mic skills of a geoduck should be the centerpiece of the division when she’s surrounded by so many who are better than her.
8) Sasha Banks MUST turn heel and show everyone exactly why people have called her the best wrestler in the world. She MUST win the title and KEEP the title and have feuds with Emma and Bayley before dropping it to either one of them.
9) Normally when there are people I hate on the roster, I want them fired. But, in this one special case, Mojo Rawley needs to die a slow, painful death.
Sadly he’s still alive. But apparently he figured out how to not suck in the past few weeks.
10) JBL and David Otunga must stop being commentators.
11) The cruiserweights need characters and stories. They must be allowed to compete on the level of the CWC. Because right now we’re close to JBL saying that the Bellas started the Cruiserweight Revolution.
12) There must be an NXT Takeover: Chicago.
13) WWE must announce that 2018’s Royal Rumble will be in Chicago. We’ve been waiting far too long.
14) Any fan that chants C.M. Punk, Harambe, Hey We Want Some Bayley, JBL, What, or Boring must be shot and killed. No exceptions.
15) WWE must NEVER have a best of 7 series that contains 9 total matches and result in a mathematically impossible tie, only for the competitors to become a tag team.
16) WWE needs to learn that we’re not going to cheer Enzo for being a misogynist.
Success, he’s a heel now.
17) Bray Wyatt for World Champion.
18) People must realize how damn good Luke Harper is and he must win his own title.
I mean, I think people know he’s great but he doesn’t have his own belt.
19) Dolph needs to not be an ignorant douche on Twitter.
Still an ignorant douche.
20) We must not get any more Brock vs. Goldberg matches
21) Roman must defend the U.S. Championship and act like it means something to him.
22) WWE must stop acting like the U.S. Title is more important than the Universal Championship.
Success I guess
23) James Ellsworth must die.
Well he’s gone.
24) Cesaro needs to rid himself of Sheamus ASAP. We cannot allow for Sheamus to be to Cesaro what Swagger was to Dolph.
25) WWE must explain why Jinder Mahal was rehired again. And also, Curt Hawkins.
Well…..I guess we found out.
26) Asuka MUST debut.
27) Shinsuke Nakamura and Samoa Joe must debut.
28) Alberto Del Rio must never be rehired.
29) A.J. Lee must be put into the Hall of Fame.
30) Charlotte must never win matches with Big Boots ever again.
31) The WrestleMania 33 theme must be a Nice Enough People song.
32) Raw either needs to stop sucking or stop using a Shinedown song as the theme so a song by my favorite band isn’t associated with garbage
33) WrestleMania must actually be good
34) The Revival must be brought up and have more matches with SAWFT, American Alpha, New Day, the Club, and DIY.
This isn’t their fault
35) Natalya has got to go.
36) Naomi needs to stop having seizure-inducing entrances.
37) Now that women have main evented PPVs, it needs to happen more often.
38) WWE must never use a song by one of my favorite bands in a buildup video for a match my favorite wrestler is in if she is going to lose.
39) WWE needs to stop having the same PPV in the same arena for multiple years in a row.
40) Whatever the fuck an Emmalina is, she needs to show the fuck up already.
41) WWE must stop not caring about their programming during football season. Football is for marks.
42) LESS PPVS. No more HIAC and TLC PPVs.
43) All “fans” that think that their favorite wrestler gets to be the champion solely because they’re their favorite wrestler must stop watching wrestling. Just because Sasha and Charlotte have been feuding for months doesn’t mean your favorite is being held back from championships or something. When I see a comment on a Sasha vs. Charlotte video that goes “#JusticeForSummerRae” that only goes to show how much of an idiot you are. Firstly, she’s injured. Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK HAS SUMMER DONE TO EARN A TITLE? Storylines don’t end in three weeks. Summer isn’t credible. The title isn’t something you pass around to everyone just because they’re there. YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. Stop deciding to have your favorite be a jobber and then pretend they’re being held back when they aren’t on tv – you just have terrible taste in favorites. I’m sure Miz will send you a nice participation award, though.
44) Mick Foley needs to be replaced. He’s ruining his legacy.
45) WWE needs to show us they are progressive and NOT tell us. Have women main event PPVs. Have women wrestle men. Have women win non-women’s titles. Do NOT have women lose matches to moves that wouldn’t end any men’s match we’ve ever seen. Have women have feuds based on hatred just as men would. That said, that hatred shouldn’t be catty, diva-ish bullshit. No slut-shaming. No feuds that are centered around their boyfriends. Stop it with the “All women hate each other” bullshit. Men must not be the deciding factor of a women’s match.
46) WWE must stop having people lose in their hometown.
Fail, unless you’re Naomi or Charlotte
47) WWE must stop having people break someone else’s record because of petty bullshit. First Nikki Bella did it to A.J.’s, and now New Day potentially did the same with Demolition’s.
48) Now that Linda McMahon is part of Trump’s cabinet or in a position or whatever (No one really cares), WWE must at least realize that she is not running for senate and no longer needs to be PG and childish because of it.
49) Big Show and Kane must retire.
50) Seth Rollins needs a new finisher.
51) Cesaro must get a new theme.
Alright, so in 2018, let’s have the following happen:
1) Let’s just get this out of the way now: Big Show, Kane, Natalya, Dolph Ziggler, Tamina, Dana Brooke, Nia Jax, TJ Perkins, Big Cass, Mandy Rose, and Jinder Mahal have got to go.
2) For the love of god, less PPVs.
3) Reassemble both shows’ women’s divisions so they’re worth watching. Smackdown literally only has Becky and Carmella and now the Riott Squad but the rest is trash. Raw has a champion no one gives a fuck about, Nia Jax, and a number of great talents who are terribly underused/misused.
4) WWE must never give the WWE Title on a whim to a random jobber like they did with Jinder Mahal, and then have him hold the title all year, having awful PPV main event after awful PPV main event and ruining the credibility of the title and the show itself, making everyone lose all interest in the program. Especially when you keep having awful main events with Randy Orton, then job out Shinsuke Nakamura to him twice, and then consider Jinder having a match with Brock Lesnar – as if anyone is going to buy it – and then consider Jinder going into Mania as the champion against Cena, as if anyone will give a shit about that when they’re already going to have to have Roman vs. Brock..
5) Kane can never show up and beat someone like Finn Balor.
6) Braun Strowman must never be wasted in a feud with someone like Kane
7) The Bludgeon Brothers must win the tag team titles because it’s ridiculous that Luke Harper hasn’t had any more titles since 2014.
8) Sasha Banks must turn heel, win the title, and never lose it for about a year and a half.
9) The Iconic Duo must debut
10) Someone the crowd likes must win the Royal Rumble
11) WWE must fix the other problems within the women’s division before they even consider tag titles for them
12) Alexa Bliss must actually become a better wrestler, stop botching, take a god damn bump, and not be a trash ass conservative so that all the idiot fanboys might actually sound sane when they say that she’s great – because right now when people say stupid delusional shit like “She’s the best heel on Raw” or “She outperformed Sasha” they sound like delusional mark and a psychopath with a grudge against superior wrestlers (because remember, talent is objective and Sasha is objectively superior to pretty much every female on the roster and also half the males at least) so next time when you say something dumb like that, remember the rest of us intelligent people who actually know stuff about wrestling are laughing at you. Don’t get mad when people say others are better than your favorites – just have better taste in favorites if you can’t handle the truth.
13) WrestleMania must actually be good.
14) Bayley must be fixed
15) Breezango must start having matches and not Fashion Files
16) Chad Gable must start having a singles run leading to him winning the U.S. and later the world title.
17) Whatever prank they’re pulling on us with Jason Jordan has got to stop
18) Ryback just needs to never talk about wrestling related stuff ever again and everyone better know not to listen to his bullshit podcast
19) WWE must stop thinking that we give a shit about Shane McMahon
20) The Mixed Match Challenge must become intergender wrestling otherwise I won’t give much of a shit. Stop giving a fuck about your bullshit sponsors and start giving a fuck about actual wrestling. You keep telling us how you’re progressiveness but you keep forgetting that the only way to actually have women be equal to men is by having intergender wrestling. Separate but equal is not equal. And remember, when some idiot tells you that intergender wrestling promotes domestic violence, you can just remind them that wrestling isn’t real.
21) ROYAL RUMBLE 2019 IN CHICAGO FFS.
22) A.J. Lee must be put in the Hall of Fame.
23) Fix everything about the writing and booking, but that’s obvious.
24) No more Brock Lesnar as champion ever again
25) Everyone who goes on to a podcast and talks about women’s wrestling must not keep calling Charlotte a star and that they love what they’re doing with Charlotte and that she’s the best women’s wrestler ever when there are other women who are far superior to her who have actually carried the weight of the division on their backs to make her look good even though she’s garbage and get practically no credit for it.
26) Naomi’s entrance just needs to end
27) We need every tag feud imaginable between The Usos, Bludgeon Brothers, Revival, Breezango, New Day, and Benjamin and Gable.
28) Booker T must stop being a commentator
29) Rusev must win more titles because it’s Rusev Day!
30) Bobby Roode must be stopped
31) The Cruiserweight Division must be saved
32) No more awful music acts being involved with WWE. No Machine Gun Kelly, No Kid Rock, etc.
33) Whatever is happening with Nia and Enzo can stop now.
33) Nepotism because of people’s relatives must end.
34) Johnny Gargano,Tommaso Ciampa, Velveteen Dream, and Aleister Black must win the NXT Championship
35) Peyton Royce, Kairi Sane, and Dakota Kai must all win the NXT Women’s Title
36) Ember Moon must debut
37) Nikki Cross must be fixed
38) Cesaro must get a new theme
That’s it for now. I may add some before 2018 arrives.
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