I tried writing this a few days ago just as a facebook post, but it became far too long just to be a status and not a blog. Then I tried to copy and paste it and it didn’t work, so I’ve waited to rewrite it to include the Superstar Shakeup.
I wanted to write about the good and bad about Mania weekend now that we’ve had some time to digest it. None of my opinions from the reviews have really changed, I just want to expound on them further.
Let’s just go in order of the events.
The Hall of Fame was hit or miss. The Dudley Boyz, Mark Henry, and Ivory were the highlights of the show, whereas Goldberg and Jeff Jarrett were pointless, and Hillbilly Jim just doesn’t know when to stop talking. Meanwhile, literally no one watched Kid Rock and hopefully he randomly exploded backstage so the world is rid of his god awful existence.
NXT Takeover New Orleans was exceptional, as we knew it would be.
The Ladder Match for the North American Title was great. Velveteen Dream, Adam Cole, and Ricochet continue to prove to be stars, and Lars Sullivan is great too. I’m still indifferent on EC3, and I couldn’t give a fuck about Killian Dain if I was paid to. While I was rooting for Dream or Ricochet to win, Adam Cole certainly isn’t a bad choice to make the first champion.
I hadn’t been super excited for Ember Moon vs. Shayna Baszler II going in just because I wasn’t too thrilled with their original match, and I thought Shayna should have been champion already. However when I discovered ten minutes before the show that Lzzy Hale was performing Ember’s theme I instantly was more excited about this because Halestorm is the best. Also, as it turns out, the match was much better than the original, and easily the best women’s match of the weekend. Shayna won as expected.
The Tag Title match was fun, but about the only thing worth mentioning is Roderick Strong helping and subsequently joining Undisputed Era, now becoming a tag team champion with them. This is a good thing in the long run.
Andrade Cien Almas vs. Aleister Black was as amazing as expected, with Aleister winning the title. It’s kind of amazing how a few months can change your opinion on someone, because these two had a match on the Takeover before Mania 33 and I wasn’t too into Almas at the time – fast forward to now and he’s one of my favorite performers in the company.
Tomasso Ciampa vs. Johnny Gargano was the match we all expected it to be and more, and definitely the match of the weekend. Ciampa’s heat was nuclear. And while I’m an asshole and wanted Ciampa to win, this is definitely the most well told story in recent WWE memory. And also the best wrestling story in general since Hell of War at UltimaLucha 3.
WrestleMania however was a mixed bag.
The battle royals were both meaningless. Matt Hardy won after Bray Wyatt helped him which is fine I suppose, meanwhile Naomi inexplicably won the women’s one.
I don’t particularly understand why Naomi got the win over others – Sasha and Bayley didn’t really make much sense considering they’re feuding so them eliminating each other makes the most sense. But sense it seemed like Bayley had won – she should have. There was literally no good reason to have that happen just to bitch her out to Naomi of all people. If Sasha or Bayley can’t win, the next correct choice is Becky Lynch. Ruby Riott was also a solid choice, or Peyton Royce who was in it from NXT. Not Naomi, who’s been doing nothing and will continue to do nothing.
The Cruiserweight Title match was fun – there was really no way to screw it up.
The main card started with the Intercontinental Championship match which was one of the better matches of the night. I’m not mad that Seth won even though I was probably rooting for him least. It’s really comical to me still that Finn Balor, the guy known for his special entrance, didn’t do his special entrance on the show everyone does special entrances. But that’s fine – Balor Club is for everyone, after all.
Now, where do I begin with Charlotte vs. Asuka? I guess the match was better than I expected it to be – I guess Asuka did better at somehow getting a good match out of Charlotte than I thought she would. For some reason I didn’t think it would happen – Charlotte rarely has good matches, and when she does, you can be assured that it’s someone that’s exceptionally talented across from her when it happens – that’s why any of her matches against Sasha, Becky, and Bayley are always good. But then she has matches with Natalya and Alexa and Nia and they’re not good at all. The Ruby match was in the middle. Hell, you know Charlotte’s not good when she doesn’t have a good match with Sarah Logan. Now obviously Asuka is exceptionally talented, I just had a weird feeling it wouldn’t happen. I will say that the Spanish Fly spot should just not have happened – Charlotte overestimates her own strength and I was expecting it to go wrong, considering how much she botches and how much she almost killed Sasha.
As far as the outcome, though, there is no defense for it. There is no world where Charlotte needs to beat Asuka. It’s this kind of bullshit that shows that actual fans of wrestling should never have any hope in this company to do the right thing, ever. They will never push those that are actually talented. They will push the people they want, and then they will use the people who are actually good to make the people they’re pushing instead of them look good, even though legitimately no one cares about them. There are so many talented performers in the women’s division but WWE decide to push Charlotte, Alexa Bliss, Nia Jax, and Ronda Rousey instead of them.
Charlotte is pushed because she’s white, blonde, tall, has a famous last name, and has fake boobs.
Alexa Bliss is the same thing, without the famous last name.
Nia Jax is pushed because of a famous family member.
Ronda Rousey is pushed because of name value from another sport, even though she hasn’t paid her dues in the wrestling business. (Not to mention she’s a transphobic Sandy Hook truther.)
WWE really doesn’t deserve Sasha, Becky, Asuka, or Bayley. Or Ember. Or the Iconic Duo. Or Kairi Sane. It’s become painfully obvious that they’re going to continue to waste all of their time in pointless storylines while they push the talentless dumpster fires over them – and insulting all of our intelligence that the best women’s matches they can come up with is Alexa vs. Nia and Charlotte vs. anyone. Any actual fan of wrestling with a modicum of ability to judge talent could have told you the best women’s matches they could have done at Mania was Sasha vs. Asuka and Charlotte vs. Becky.
I really hate people who don’t understand the difference between “I like this person” and “This person is really good at what they do.” They are not the same. There are people who love Charlotte. There are people who love Alexa Bliss. That’s cool. Like who you like. But, just because you like them – that doesn’t make them better than people you don’t like. Like, if you don’t like Sasha Banks for some inane reason – probably because you think she has some kind of attitude problem even though she most certainly does not, and you’re just an entitled stalker – that does not make Alexa Bliss better than Sasha Banks. That means you like Alexa more than you like Sasha, BUT objectively Sasha is better than Alexa is because TALENT IS OBJECTIVE. Sasha is better than Alexa in every way.
Anyways, there’s really not much to say about the U.S. Title match outside of Jinder Mahal? Really? Just kill me now.
The whole Ronda Rousey thing was a clusterfuck. However, it was an entertaining clusterfuck nonetheless.
The Smackdown Tag Team Title match was fun – however it was far too short to be the show stealer it should have been. So it is what it is. Glad the Bludgeon Brothers won.
Undertaker squashing John Cena in two minutes was hysterical and fun.
One of the most enjoyable matches on the show was of course the return of Daniel Bryan. Of course they just had to do another stretcher spot to start this match so Bryan was out for a bit and Zayn and Owens just destroyed Shane – which he deserved. And then Bryan came in and wrecked their lives and it was fun.
Now that Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax is in the past, we can all agree how much of a terrible idea this was. It was nothing more than an atrocity. Alexa is average. Nia sucks. The match was awful. Alexa tried to imitate actually good wrestlers by screaming “You’re a loser! You’re pathetic!” at Nia when she clearly got that from Sasha vs. Bayley. You couldn’t be original, could you?
A.J. vs. Shinsuke was good, but I doubt it was as the classic that people were expecting. Maybe I was just bored by then. A.J. won which is fine, although I don’t get why both rumble winners lost. (*cough*They hate Japanese people*cough*) But, heel Shinsuke is about the best thing that came from this. Also Shinsuke’s entrance was awesome.
The fuck did Braun Strowman win the tag titles with a child for?
Roman vs. Brock was awful and Brock won so what the fuck now? Also, nice fake blood.
Moving on to post-Mania Raw and Smackdown.
Ember Moon debuted on Raw. As Nia Jax’s backup. I feel so sorry for her. She deserves so much better than being the sidekick of a terrible wrestler in a terrible feud against an average talent and Mickie James.
Mandy Rose defeated Sasha Banks so the entire women’s division is canceled.
The Authors of Pain debuted to no surprise.
Jeff Hardy returned so that was cool.
Paige “retired” even though she retired three months ago. So they just had her announce it publicly so they could get more dumbasses to send Sasha death threats because they don’t understand wrestling, think Sasha injured Paige intentionally, even though Sasha is completely guilt free. She fell. The injury was from the fall. LEARN HOW WRESTLING WORKS.
(You just hate her because she’s better at her job than literally every woman in WWE currently and probably in history, and she’s a better human being than you too.)
Bobby Lashley came back and no one cared.
No Way Jose is irrelevant.
Also Samoa Joe returned and cut a great promo.
And Smackdown – Paige is GM which is cool. Please no awkward segments with her and Shane now.
The best part was in the middle of a Charlotte promo, THE ICONIC DUO SHOWED UP AND BEAT HER ASS. And then CARMELLA CASHED IN AND TOOK OUT THE TRASH. CARMELLA IS THE CHAMPION LMAO FUCK YOU CHARLOTTE.
(And because I understand talent, no, Carmella is not the best on the roster – but she’s better than Charlotte so fuck off.)
As awesome as this segment was, though – that doesn’t absolve WWE from ending Asuka’s streak for this. There is no excuse for this. You could have used that to build someone..but nope.
Anyways, we also got a pretty good Styles vs. Bryan match as the main event before Shinsuke kicked their heads off.
And, the Shakeup.
Raw got basically nothing. Raw got Owens and Zayn which was obvious. Jinder showed up, lost the title to Jeff Hardy, and that was that. Bobby Roode and Dolph Ziggler and Baron Corbin. So what? Well Dolph showed up with McIntyre which is moderately interesting. They got Riott Squad which I guess is cool, and they got Natalya which I wanted to happen. But they didn’t get Charlotte which disappointed me. If we could get all of the cancer into one women’s division and all of the actual talent in the other, that would have been best. But no. They swapped women’s factions which was pointless, and they swapped Natalya and Asuka, which is good.
Natalya for Asuka was good, but then they should have sent Sasha, Bayley, and Ember for Charlotte, Lana, and Tamina.
I JUST WANT A WOMEN’S DIVISION THAT IS 100% GOOD. IS THIS SO HARD? Why can’t I have Sasha, Bayley, Becky, Asuka, Ember, Iconic Duo, and Riott Squad on Smackdown and all of the weird people who think Charlotte, Natalya, Nia, and Alexa are good have them on Raw? It’s what’s best for all of us.
Jeff Hardy went to Smackdown. SAnitY without Nikki Cross is going to Smackdown. Hopefully Nikki Cross will be repackaged into something I can like now in NXT. Big Cass returned and no one cared. Samoa Joe went to Smackdown which is good. The Miz is on Smackdown which is cool. The Club is on Smackdown for reasons. The Bar is too. BUT NOT THE REVIVAL WTF.
Most importantly, ANDRADE CIEN ALMAS with Zelina Vega WILL BE ON SMACKDOWN! WOO!
It’s weird – Smackdown got some good people, but not the ones I really wanted.
The Revival got screwed. Asuka got screwed. Sasha Banks and Bayley got screwed. Fuck off. You’re literally wasting all of their time.
Anyways, that’s all.