Somehow even when I’m really looking forward to a PPV, WWE manages to screw it up. I’m so deflated. I’m not unhappy with any of the victors, or not really, but I have to question a number of things on this show. I missed the preshow, but I’m happy the Club won the titles, and unhappy the face team beat the heel team because fuck Naomi pinning Alexa, and fuck Nia Jax beating Sasha.

Anyways, the first match was Charlotte defeating Bayley to retain the WWE Women’s Championship. The match was alright, but it wasn’t long enough so it disappointed. Also the finish was dumb. Charlotte really needed to cheat to win here but she didn’t, so basically the Raw’s Women’s Division is now dead. Charlotte no longer has a legitimate challenger that’s a face, so congrats on fucking up, WWE.

Rating: **1/2

Kevin Owens defeated Roman Reigns in a match that was far better than I thought it would be to retain the WWE Universal Championship. I was pleasantly surprised by this. Strowman cost Reigns the match, so that sets them up for the future. But that makes me question what Owens is going to do going forward. If Owens is Universal Champion, is he going to face Jericho still because he’s still the U.S. Champ. Roman vs. Strowman will obviously happen at Fast Lane, and it’d better not be a #1 Contender match. And it better not somehow be a Fatal 4 Way at Fast Lane for the Universal belt including Jericho which gets the title onto Roman or Strowman and Jericho somehow costs Owens the belt, but I imagine that will happen.

Rating: ***1/2

Neville defeated Rich Swann to win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship in a really good match, as expected.

Rating: ***

John Cena defeated A.J. Styles to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the match of the night. Since Owens won, which wasn’t expected, I wasn’t surprised to see Cena win after all. I couldn’t see both Roman and Cena winning, and I thought it’d be the other way around. Oh well. It’s another Cena vs. AJ match, I needn’t explain that it was great – not as good as the SummerSlam match, but still great.

Rating: ****

And finally, the Royal Rumble. This was kind of boring, really. Honestly the only surprise was Tye at 10 which OMG WWE you actually got that right, but still, that’s nowhere near enough. Kofi’s save spot wasn’t even good. Braun got eliminated before the rest of the big names. And then number 30 was Reigns?? LOL! You tried to fuck things up actively. Goldberg eliminated Brock immediately which made no sense. Undertaker being eliminated by Reigns? Fuck that. And I’m not mad that Orton won, I guess, but I still have to question it. They can’t be dumb enough to think Orton vs. Cena at Mania is a good idea – so my guess is that Samoa Joe might get into the Chamber and cost Cena the match, and that Bray will win the title there so we get Orton vs. Bray. But I want Bray to have a longer title reign that 7 weeks. And I swear to God if AJ ends up facing Shane at Mania I will be beyond pissed off. AJ carried Smackdown all year and now loses the title at the Rumble and ends up facing Shane fucking McMahon at Mania? What a fucking waste. Jericho could have won, but didn’t. Samoa Joe should have debuted and won but didn’t. Hell, you could have done a great thing and had Sami Zayn win because A) him vs. Owens for the title at Mania writes itself, and B), you could do a great thing and have Sami Zayn, given his ethnicity, win the Rumble to give a giant Fuck You to the bullshit Muslim Ban that our fascist president implemented (and failed because our country is filled with intelligent people who said Fuck that!) but OH WAIT THE WIFE OF THE OWNER IS IN THE FAILURE’S CABINET. Fail.

Rating: **

Overall, the show was good, but the Rumble was boring and left me disappointed.

Overall Grade: C+

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