So this show was a thing that happened. I think. I’m not entirely sure. I’m actually pretty positive we entered some kind of alternate reality where WWE actually hates me and wants me to suffer a few weeks ago.
Cesaro and Sheamus defeated The New Day to win the WWE World Tag Team Championship in a solid match. Not a bad match and I enjoyed the finish. I started to get annoyed at New Day trying to cheat to win as if we’re supposed to cheer for them because of it. Nothing memorable, though, outside of Cesaro’s Neutralizer.
Sami Zayn survived ten minutes with Braun Strowman. Yay?
Seth Rollins defeated Chris Jericho in a solid match that I have not much to say about.
Rich Swann retained the WWE Cruiserweight Championship in a pretty meh match against TJ Perkins and Brian Kendrick.
And, you know what, WWE, I really just want to tell you to fuck off and move on for this next one, but that’d be letting you off easy.
Sasha Banks as everyone knew would happen before this show happened lost the Ironwoman match to lose her Women’s Title to Charlotte. Now, remember, she never actually won it back a 3rd time so when Charlotte says she’s a 4 time champion, she is incorrect. Sasha never won it back. This match never actually happened. This match only happened in the alternate reality where WWE actually, legit hates me. And since WWE doesn’t know I exist, they can’t legit hate me, so in reality Charlotte did not lose it the 3rd time. Keep in mind that Ric Flair did NOT cost Sasha the match so in the reality Sasha did win the title, Sasha’s title win was completely pointless. The title win was clearly supposed to be an excuse to put Ric back with Charlotte but it didn’t happen so I ask you, what was the fucking point? Pop a rating on Raw? Fuck off. AND YOU PUT A HALESTORM SONG IN THE BUILDUP VIDEO. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. How am I supposed to take Sasha seriously? Answer me. She wins titles on Raw and loses them 3 weeks later. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY? SHE’S THE FACE. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO BELIEVE IN HER. CHARLOTTE IS GETTING TO NIKKI BELLA TITLE REIGN LEVEL OF FAIL. THERE’S NOTHING FOR HER LEFT TO DO WITH THE BELT. WHAT’S SASHA GOING TO DO AT MANIA? REMEMBER SASHA VS. BAYLEY? ONE OF THE BEST MATCHES OF ALL TIME. EMMA IS A HEEL. WHO IS SHE GOING TO FIGHT? DOING NOTHING. BAYLEY WILL WIN THE BELT AND LOSE IT THREE WEEKS LATER. CHARLOTTE WILL HAVE 16 TITLE REIGNS.
Seriously Sasha Banks is one of the best wrestlers in the world and Charlotte is incapable of being entertaining. She’s can’t be a face and an awful heel, she can’t cut a promo, and no one likes her. Even the people who like her don’t even like her. I’m so sorry, Sasha, you’re one of the best wrestlers in the world but you’re not a Flair so you can’t be the centerpiece. Sorry, Bayley, you’re an amazing face, but you’re not a Flair so you’ll never be anything. Sorry, Emma, you’re so underrated and one of the best as well but you’re not going to be anything because you’re not a Flair. Just take one episode of Raw and have Charlotte lose the title and win it back 12 more times so we can get her 16 Women’s Title Reigns out of the way so we can move on to actually entertaining people? But it’ll drag out over the next few years but who cares, we’re all going to be killed by nuclear missiles before that happens.
The match wasn’t even that good, either. I was bored for some of it, and I was behind, so I just fast forwarded, and I was more annoyed because I really just needed to know the winner so I could decide whether I could enjoy the match or not.
Also, here’s a new thing – I was so mad about this bullshit that I TURNED OFF THE PPV AND DIDN’T WATCH THE MAIN EVENT OF THE SHOW. I KNOW OWENS RETAINED BECAUSE IT WAS OBVIOUS BUT FUCK IT, IT WASN’T WORTH IT. FUCK YOU, WWE.
Overall Grade: WHO GIVES A SHIT.
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