I wish I could say I was looking forward to this show, but I’m just not. Raw is so bad. I can barely watch half of it. As excited as I am for the first women’s cell match, and some moderate excitement for the Rollins/Owens match, there’s just nothing making me actually hyped for this show. There’s just so many problems.

SAWFT vs. The Club
So this match is happening, I guess. I haven’t paid any attention to it, really. The Club couldn’t beat the New Day so why should I care if they beat SAWFT? What is this match even going to do for either team? Really this is just two directionless teams in a tag team division full of directionless teams.

Prediction: The Club

Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

This match is happening. Dana Brooke is still the worst.

Prediction: Bayley

WWE World Tag Team Championship
(c) The New Day (c) vs. Cesaro and Sheamus

That’s right, they went the absolutely awful route. They had Cesaro and Sheamus fight each other 9 times in a best of 7 series and Cesaro WON the series 5-3-1, and somehow he’s now saddled with Sheamus as a tag team partner. The series was god awful, boring, and lifeless – and completely meaningless. And after the garbage of a finish at COC, Foley decided these two were now a team and practically spent an entire show BEGGING the crowd to accept this trash. Guess what? No one has. I have not watched a single segment related to this feud since then, because this is absolutely garbage. It sucks, because I love Cesaro. And I was ready for New Day to pass the titles on. But I can’t accept them passing the titles to Cesaro and Sheamus because these two shouldn’t be a fucking team. So New Day retains unless WWE is dumb as fuck.

Prediction: The New Day

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
T.J. Perkins (c) vs. Brian Kendrick

Well, we saw how good the first match was so there’s nothing  saying this wouldn’t be just as good. The story is fine, but WWE’s booking of the Cruiserweight division leaves a lot to be desired. The crowd isn’t helping – chanting CM Punk and boring while talented wrestlers are in the ring. Anyone who chants things like this at inappropriate times should be banned from arenas.

Prediction: T.J. Perkins

Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE U.S. Championship
Roman Reigns (c) vs. Rusev

Who gives a fuck? It’s not like I’ve watched a second of this feud since their rematch. And I don’t give a single fuck about a terribly booked feud getting a Cell match it certainly hasn’t called for. Why do we have three cell matches and why is this one of them?

Prediction: Roman Reigns

Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE Universal Championship
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Seth Rollins

This match will probably main event, but let’s be honest, we know what the main event of this show is. As much as I’m looking forward to this match which *shouldn’t have* any interference, this feud absolutely does not call for a Cell match. They’ve just started to feud a month ago.

Prediction: Kevin Owens

Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE Women’s Championship
Sasha Banks (c) vs. Charlotte

I don’t care what anyone says, this is the main event of this PPV. Whether it closes the show or not, this is the main event. This is the ONLY feud that’s even worthy of being inside the Cell. I don’t care what you think – if you think it doesn’t, you’re deluding yourselves. If you’re paying attention, you know they’ve been feuding since 2014. So don’t tell me they don’t have the history that a cell match calls for. You can’t have a two month feud go into the Cell. That’s why Owens/Rollins doesn’t belong. You can’t have a terribly booked feud go into the cell – just look at Punk/Ryback. (Either time.) That’s why Reigns/Rusev doesn’t belong. This has been at least mostly well booked and has the history. Sure, Sasha should never have lost the belt back, but the (minor) injury made them do it. Fine. It’s clear it was never their intention to have Sasha drop the belt otherwise she wouldn’t have had it back so quickly. I will not accept anyone saying they don’t deserve a cell match I can understand people being slightly annoyed that they haven’t had some kind of natural progression to a cell match – like, back in the day, HHH/HBK had had several matches, including a Last Man Standing match and so on before they got a cell match. But that kind of booking is no longer possible in 2016. Gimmick matches having their own PPVs ruins that. And it’s not Sasha’s and Charlotte’s fault that they don’t get that booking, either. They could have Last Woman Standing matches too, if WWE let them. (Although Charlotte might take it literally and think she needs to kill someone.) Blame WWE’s hardon for gimmick PPVs for that. That being said, the ONLY feud that has had anything close to a natural progression to a cell match is Sasha and Charlotte because of how long they’ve been feuding and how many matches they’ve had. Rusev/Reigns has only been happening for 3 months. Sasha/Charlotte for almost two years. You can’t say Sasha and Charlotte don’t deserve it because of this but be okay with either of the other two cell matches.

Sure, they could be doing better with booking it. Or the story going into it. Foley doesn’t need to be injecting  himself into this verbally with overbearing, annoying promos. Charlotte could learn how to do a promo. Most importantly, every other word doesn’t need to be “making history.” WWE loves to suck their own dick about things like this – never forget that. As good of a thing as it is, WWE can’t do it without sucking their own dick. But the first women’s Cell match was going to happen eventually – it had to happen sometime and let’s be happy that it’s a feud that deserves it. (Keep in mind that the Bellas wanted their god awful feud to get the first women’s cell match and just think of how tragic that would have been.) This is the first women’s feud to truly call for a Cell match, too. None before this have except maybe Trish/Lita.

Also, this match had BETTER be an all out cell match. I don’t want them to go in there and then have a regular match inside of a cage. That would be bullshit. They don’t have to make each other bleed buckets of blood or anything, but they can’t have a match and not use the cell. I expect to see an actual Cell match. It’s the first women’s cell match, but “Women’s Cell Match” is NOT different from “Men’s Cell Match” outside of the gender of the competitors. This is not some kind of new match type that’s essentially “Normal Match with a Barrier/Fence.”

This also has to be the last time they face each other for a long time. After this match, WWE must learn how to push other women besides JUST these two – they can’t keep doing the same match and eventually Charlotte will fulfill her apparent life goal of killing Sasha. Don’t give her enough chances. Whatever the fuck an Emmalina is, the Emmalina needs to be fighting Sasha as soon as the PPV after Survivor Series. Bayley must be saved for Sasha for WM33. Sasha’s going to win, no doubt about it – they aren’t going to have what’s supposed to be a big match and have the face lose. Also a Charlotte win means the feud STILL continues which would be even more painful. There is NOTHING Charlotte has left to do with the belt. Sasha has to move on to new challengers. Emma first, then Bayley, like I said. (Although I’d accept an Emma title win as long as the new character isn’t a flop.)

Also please don’t be dumb. Make this the main event. You want the crowd to go home happy, right? Owens is going to retain. I mean, everyone loves KO, but he is a heel. Make the smart choice – this feud is the show’s poster. It’s the first Women’s Cell match. It’s the only feud that even belongs in the cell. The match will be great as long as they let them have a real cell match. Sasha’s going to retain. In her hometown. You’re going to have to have women main event some PPVs now. It’s inevitable. Might as well make it one that makes perfect sense to main event the show. Now is your opportunity to do it. You’d be wrong not to take it.

Prediction: Sasha Banks

Review Sunday as always.

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