Sorry for the delay on this – I normally write these the second the show is over. I just was annoyed by some of the results and also by people bitching about the debate and also watching the Blue Jays win and Last Week Tonight was more important. (Although fuck you HBO for not starting the episode until 10:03 so the dvr didn’t record the final three minutes.)

I’m left disappointed by this show. I was really looking forward to it. Smackdown has been really good lately and four of the matches were very well built. Some of them delivered, some of them didn’t, and one didn’t happen. Firstly, Becky Lynch being injured sucks big time. Thankfully it’s only a month and they aren’t taking the belt from her, so we still get this glorious time with both Sasha and Becky as champs for a while. That aside, I didn’t get the Becky/Alexa match I was looking forward to, and in its place we got shit.

Also, the main event being on first is stupid. Why are you so afraid of people not watching your show for the debate? This was a very well built show with matches I was looking forward to. I would never stop watching wrestling to watch a stupid presidential debate. This is literally the presidential debates in a nutshell, no matter who you want to win, and regardless of any of the actual content of the debate:

Hillary supporters: “My candidate is winning! WOOHOO!”
Trump supporters: “My candidate is winning! WOOHOO!”
Bernie supporters: Crying in a corner like babies because they didn’t get what they wanted and are voting for no one or for someone who isn’t going to win because they are whiny little bitches who don’t actually care about the future of the country. Entitled babies.

Literally all that’s going to happen if you watch a debate is getting infuriated by what the candidate you want to die in a burning fireball is saying and that’s pretty much it, so why watch? I mean, the election is a month away, and everyone knows who they’re voting for already – these debates are not going to change pretty much anyone’s minds, and if anyone is undecided they aren’t paying attention. That’s not to say I’m not enraged by what’s going on with the election, and that’s not to say I haven’t been writing an probably the longest rant I’ve ever written in my life about it since the beginning of August and now it’s just sitting in my drafts because I’m not sure when the right time to actually post it is because more bullshit keeps happening – to the point where it might be two days before the election happens when I do – but regardless watching these things are pointless. Ugh.

Anyways, the WWE title match was on first. It was great, but I really think putting it first was a good idea. So many people who aren’t watching the PPV live are going to go back and watch it when they want – live numbers shouldn’t be what drives your business. The action was great, but this essentially boiled down to the Punk/Cena/Big Show title match at SummerSlam 2012. Both Ambrose and Cena got a submission on AJ and he tapped, but there’s no winner so the match continues. Cena hits Ambrose with a Super FU and AJ hits Cena with a chair twice and wins. I really didn’t care for the win via chair and I’m not sure I cared for the false finish, either.

Rating: ***1/2

Nikki Bella vs. Carmella was fine, although I was hoping for something better. They had the opportunity to have Nikki get pissed off with Carmella to the point where she got DQ’ed, and then later they’d have a NO DQ match and Nikki would win that. And they didn’t do that, so I’m disappointed. That being said, the match was solid. Nikki wins, and I’m going to guess we’re moving on from the feud unless Carmella just gets more pissed. Also, Nikki, please don’t ever dress like you’re AJ Lee again – you have never been and will never be as good as her, no matter how much you think you are in your delusional mind.

Rating: **1/2

Here’s where the show starts to go off the rails for real, though. Heath Slater and Rhyno retained the WWE Blue World Tag Team Championship against the Usos. The match was alright, but nothing special. There’s absolutely no redeeming qualities about keeping the belts on Slater and Rhyno. The team was meant to get Slater a contract and they’ve done that. But the Cinderella story is over. There’s nothing good about them as a team now that there’s no stakes. The Usos have been doing great work as heels and the actual story is Usos vs. American Alpha. The correct decision is putting the belts on the Usos. Smackdown’s writing has been great, but this is its first failure.

Rating: **

The best match on the show was Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship. The match was great. But it still falls a little flat for me. As great as the feud has been – it’s the best written feud in the company at the moment and this match should have closed the show – it still doesn’t get me as excited for Dolph as I should be. These past few months, Dolph has really come back from the brink of character death for me to the point where I could really get behind him in this particular storyline – if it was for a world title. The story was great, the match was great, Dolph’s character has been revitalized – but in the end, what’s the result? He’s the Intercontinental champion. For the 5th time. I’ve seen that four other times. He’s had long runs with midcard titles before. In fact he had two in 2014, leading to what should have finally been a main event push in 2015 after Survivor Series 2014, but then they put him with Sheamus and then with Rusev and killed him. If this had been for a World Title – something he’s only had twice but neither were memorable because of WWE bullshit – then I’d have been fully behind the storyline and thrilled with the result. This is really just a consolation prize. And in the end it does nothing for anyone, because while it was a great match and I don’t want Dolph gone, it would’ve done more for Miz to win and end someone’s career, and the person who did beat him would’ve been made.

Rating: ****

Baron Corbin vs. Jack Swagger happened, so hurray. It got boring chants, so maybe now that WWE knows we think Swagger is boring, we won’t see him anymore. Baron won.

Rating: **

Alexa Bliss sadly had to face Naomi. And Naomi is terrible. And Naomi won, so fuck everyone. NAOMI BEAT THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER AND NAOMI SUCKS. The sad thing is that I read on Twitter the day before someone’s fantasy booking of No Mercy because of Becky’s injury. They said Becky would be stripped of the title because if someone’s injured, idiotic fans thing they will be automatically stripped of belts even if it’s only for a month. Then Alexa would brag about it like she did (This really is fantasy booking a five year old could do, it’s nothing creative at all). And then Naomi would come out and challenge her to a title match. This person who wrote this was dumb enough to think that the fans would count to 3 along with the ref and cheer when Naomi won the title. Who the fuck are these Naomi fans who actually think the crowd loves Naomi? She is terrible. And it’s proven by this match getting nothing but “We want Becky” chants which was nice to hear, although Alexa is GREAT and she doesn’t deserve that. There was a “We want Sasha” chant too which made no sense whatsoever. Wrong show, buffoon. Yea the crowd really loves Naomi, idiot.

Rating: DUD (No reason at all for Naomi to win)

They announced the obvious matches for Hell in a Cell – Owens/Rollins, Rusev/Reigns, Sasha/Charlotte.

Here’s the deal – Sasha/Charlotte was not announced as an actual Hell in a Cell match, but I imagine that they want to announce that on Raw itself. Like, Sasha and Charlotte would challenge each other on the show to it, and then we’ll get that big moment on tv. And not just have it be told by someone, which is cool. Fine with that. But if WWE is NOT going to give us Sasha vs. Charlotte inside the cell, then WWE can literally just go fuck themselves and die in a fire. You have a chance to actually show you mean it that you’re working to make things equal between men and women by giving us the first women’s cell match, and you finally have a women’s feud that deserves it. You haven’t in the past – you had opportunities to make feuds that were worthy, like AJ vs. Paige, but you didn’t. (AJ and Paige should’ve had a submission match anyway) This feud is worthy of a cell match and I EXPECT you to give it one, otherwise you fail. Otherwise Mattel and your sponsors can go fuck themselves. If you are actually trying to be progressive then you’d better actually be fucking progressive. It’s 2016 – tell the sponsors that have a problem with intergender matches (because they probably are the ones with a problem with a women’s cell match) to go fuck themselves and do it. And if you’re going to have a “Cell” PPV and the only Cell match is the forgone conclusion match of Reigns/Rusev that absolutely NO ONE will give a shit about, then you have another problem.

And finally, Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt. Honestly, I didn’t pay too much attention to this. I was distracted, but it didn’t seem spectacular. I was excited for the match but I was taken out of this by the bad booking of some of the other matches and I was so sure Orton was winning because I assumed Orton was AJ’s next challenger that I didn’t care about this being last. But I’ll tell you, I was quite pleased with the end if for no other reason that LUKE HARPER IS BACK! YES!!! I love Harper and I’ve missed him greatly. Dude’s the best of the four Wyatts – always has been. Bray’s right behind him but Luke’s the best. And while I’m happy Bray won, too, this feud does reek a little bit of the Wyatt/Reigns feud from last year so I’m a little unenthused, still.

Rating: ***

Overall this show had a few good matches but I was underwhelmed by some things and enfuriated by others, and I’m left disappointed for what could have been.

Overall Grade: C-

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