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SummerSlam
It’s weird that a show that has so many good matches on it, at least on paper, can have a number of issues with it as well. Mainly just in terms of build – some of them are lacking in said build. But there are eleven matches and seven or eight of them have potential to be really good to great.

Before we get to the predictions, I have to get one thing off my chest, and that is why in the hell are Sami Zayn and Bray Wyatt not on this card? That is absolutely ridiculous. Sami Zayn had a huge win against Kevin Owens at Battleground and now he’s not on SummerSlam. Explain that to me. The Wyatts beat the New Day at Battleground and now Bray has nothing on SummerSlam. WHAT.THE.FUCK. Also, American Alpha is matchless, but I can live with them not having a match since they just debuted three weeks ago and they don’t have a feud – but come Backlash they’d better. Also, Neville.

I think I have the answer to how Sami and Bray will be used on this card. And while I think, post-SummerSlam, Bray will end up feuding with Orton – you saw Orton looking at him on the tron on Smackdown – I would doubt that Bray would interfere in that. However, I believe that both Sami’s and Bray’s appearance on SummerSlam will have to do with Heath Slater. I think Slater comes out and tries to get a Raw contract. In doing so, he loses to Sami quickly. Then, either a few minutes pass from replays, or later in the night, he tries to get a Smackdown contract and loses to Bray. Anyways, on to predictions.

Also, apparently Jon Stewart is back because reasons. Jon Stewart is awesome but just like any celebrity, I don’t give a shit about him being on the show. So hopefully his appearance is limited.

Becky Lynch, Carmella, and Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss, Natalya, and Eva Marie
Team Becky vs. Team Alexa
Hey, at least Becky and Alexa made the SummerSlam card! As bullshit as it is that it’s not a one on one match, at least they’re on the show. (I guess.) As weird as it seems, somehow Smackdown is doing better with the women on their roster. There’s a lot of holes in the actual talent on Smackdown, but at least they are utilizing more than three. Carmella, her mic work still needs improvement. She was doing fine on NXT, but so far what we’ve seen on Smackdown hasn’t impressed me. Naomi, whatever that entrance was on Smackdown – just no. Eva Marie, while talentless, the prolonging of her first match has started to amuse me. Keep making ridiculous excuses and I can at least have a laugh. Natalya is still a super douche. Becky is still awesome and she will have a title soon enough. (She’ll have to win it from Eva, but regardless.) And Alexa is great. This match goes one of two ways – either Team Becky wins with Becky making Natalya tap, or team Alexa wins with Eva pinning somebody.

Prediction: Becky Lynch, Carmella, and Naomi

WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Apollo Crews

The Miz vs. Apollo Crews
This is one of the matches I’m least interested in, and that’s mainly just because they haven’t really gotten Apollo a character I can get behind. Until he’s something more than a talented athlete, there’s not much I can do to get into his character. The Miz retains.

Prediction: The Miz

Best of Seven Series Match 1
Cesaro vs. Sheamus

Cesaro vs. Sheamus
So, Cesaro beats Sheamus twice, then Sheamus costs Cesaro a U.S. title match, and then Cesaro costs Sheamus a match with Sami Zayn because reasons. So the answer to this is a best of 7 series? Why? What from their first two matches made you think we want seven more? And why is it only beginning at SummerSlam? Why do the first two matches not count at all? What does the winner of the series get? Also, if Sheamus wins the series 4-3, that means Cesaro has beaten him 5-4 in the best of 9 series. And let’s not pretend it won’t go 7. Also, I don’t want a match between them every week, but I don’t want it spaced out either. WHY ISN’T HIS CESARO VS. SAMI IN A BEST OF 7? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THAT’D ACTUALLY BE GOOD AND MAKE SENSE!

Prediction: Sheamus

WWE U.S. Championship
Rusev (c) vs. Roman Reigns

Rusev vs. Roman Reigns
Blah. Remember when Roman got suspended and then he lost a few matches and we thought they were punishing him? Yea. They aren’t. It’s just the illusion that they are by putting him in a feud for a midcard title. But then all of Raw is about him and Rusev, and not the actual world title. And somehow a third PPV in a row I’m still rooting for Rusev. Now, I’m not a Rusev fan, but that’s only because I don’t care about Anti-America gimmicks anymore. They are long played out and I have no reason to care. I’m not one of those crazies that boos the fuck out of the person saying that the country I live in could potentially not be so amazing. Why is America the best country in the world? Because I was born here and still live here? How self-important would I be to have such an ignorant belief? Every country has problems. America isn’t the best just because I live here. Fuck xenophobia. And fuck sexism too, because this angle reeks of it too. Two dudes fighting over a woman’s honor? Fuck off, it’s 2016.

Prediction: Rusev

WWE World Tag Team Championship
(c) The New Day (c) vs. The Club

The New Day vs. The Club
This match should be entertaining. I’ve found the angle pretty amusing and although I wish Big E wasn’t injured, it should still be fun. I wouldn’t mind either team winning, but I think it’s time for the titles to change hands.

Prediction: The Club

SAWFT vs. Jeri-KO
SAWFT vs. JeriKO
Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens – a tag team I can get behind. SAWFT – a tag team I can get behind. But as much as I love SAWFT, KO is my favorite currently and Jericho is one of my all time favorites, so going forward Jeri-KO for tag team champions! Fact: Jimmin MarvinLuder’s favorite team is Jeri-KO!

Prediction: SAWFT

WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler
As much as it was a weird decision to have Dolph be Dean’s challenger for the World Title straight out of the draft, and at SummerSlam no less, they’ve done a pretty good job with the story. Credit to WWE for at least going with the story that no one’s really taking Dolph seriously because, quite frankly, no one has in a few early 2015. The interaction between the two has all been on point, Dean’s still walking away the champion.

Prediction: Dean Ambrose

Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton
Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton
I’ve been waiting for this match to happen for a while now, so I’m pretty excited that we’re finally getting it. However, outside of name value, they haven’t been able to build it up that much since they’re on separate shows. And while I’m sure it will be entertaining, it doesn’t have the feel of a huge rivalry. Anyways, there’d better be an F-5 into an RKO. Regardless, no good reason for Lesnar to lose.

Prediction: Brock Lesnar

John Cena vs. A.J. Styles
John Cena vs. A.J. Styles
Hopefully this match comes off a little better than the first one. Because, while the first one was good, it was a little sloppy. And the finish was shit. Now that the Club is on Raw, this will be one on one. And because A.J.’s going to be facing Ambrose for the title after this, I think he’ll actually win.

Prediction: A.J. Styles

WWE Women’s Championship
Sasha Banks (c) vs. Charlotte

Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte
Well, I thought we were going to be going into this show with Sasha as the challenger, but as it turns out she won it the night after Battleground in a great match. Never forget that Sasha got a crowd who was stupid enough to chant CM Punk during the match to give one of the loudest pops in recent memory when she won and then chant Yes! and You deserve it! at her and rightfully so. And she only slightly broke character in her postmatch speech. She truly is one of the best wrestlers in the world. That being said, the whole hype for this match has really been that match. The two weeks after that were kind of pointless – the next Raw Charlotte said she’d win the title back with no help, then the next week Sasha had a match with Dana to ban her from ringside. Why? Charlotte said she’d win without help. Dumb writers. Anyways, this week wasn’t much better outside of the postmatch attack and making it seem like Sasha might not being able to win because of a leg injury. Well, she’s still going to win, but then what? Sasha can’t move on from Charlotte because all there in on Raw for her to fight is Charlotte. We don’t need a Dana feud. Nia isn’t ready. Bayley could come up but that’s a WrestleMania match waiting to happen. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE TWO WOMEN’S DIVISIONS THAT ARE SEPARATE! THE CHAMPION NEEDS TO BE ON BOTH SHOWS! YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH WOMEN TO FACILITATE TWO FULL DIVISIONS! (Maybe Nikki Bella comes back? God knows I don’t want to see that and her fighting Sasha for a belt is comical, but that’s the only viable solution at the moment that isn’t wasteful of a Sasha/Bayley program. I was just hoping that we’ve moved away from people getting pushed solely for their looks because that’s bullshit. The only thing that matters is talent – pushes come from talent, not from looks. Success comes from talent, not from looks. Pushing people for anything less than their ability will no longer be tolerated.)

Prediction: Sasha Banks

WWE Universal World Heavyweight Championship
Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins

Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins
This will quite likely be the best match on the show, even though it won’t main event even though it should. And honestly, I’m not sure who I want to win and I’m not sure who will win. Every time I think of why I want one to win, I think of a reason the other should win. First off, why did Finn Balor come out in demon paint on Raw? What a pathetic waste. That’s something you should be selling the PPV match on. Now you used it on Raw, in the middle of the show, on a shit crowd in Corpus Christi. I want Finn to win because it would truly make him a star. But I want Seth to win because I just saw a really long Finn title reign and Seth never lost the WWE title to begin with, and outside of the whole MITB stuff, I want to see Seth with a title more right now – even if I’m a bigger Finn fan. But Finn is the demon and the demon paint HAS to mean something and him losing the first match he’s in while in the demon paint on the main roster is a dumb decision. If Finn wasn’t going to have the demon paint on, the answer is easy – Seth wins. But I can’t get past Finn taking a loss in the first main roster match with the demon paint on. (ALSO NEVER ALLOW HIM TO HAVE IT ON ON AN EPISODE OF RAW EVER AGAIN!) Also I want to see them try to slingblade each other at the same time.

Prediction: Finn Balor

That being said, the show should be really good as long as they give the matches the proper amount of time and make good decisions. It should be a good two nights of wrestling between this and NXT.

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #FightOwensFight #BecauseHesAFatherDamnit #WelcomeToTheWasteland #SAWFT #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #BAMF #BlissedOff #SAVE_US #JerichoInventedEverything #NewDayWillFightYourChildren #CeroMiedo #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #ReyIsLifeReyIsLove #BaddestBitchInTheBuilding #CesaroSection #JohnnyRudo #SuicidalAngel #ImNotAManImAMachine #IsItOctoberYet? #IsItSeptemberYet?

!bye

-Mzrc-

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