I feel like we’re going to get into some shit with this one. I was considering writing a rant on how terribly the draft went, but with the UltimaLucha Dos review yesterday and this right after, there just wasn’t time. So we’re going to get into some of it here. Right at the beginning, I was really hyped for this PPV, but now I’m not so sure. I’m looking forward to a number of these matches, but going forward, things are going to get stupid.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Darren Young
Make Darren Young Great Again, they said. Because apparently he was great before, they said. Yes, this shit. This Darren Young thing apparently isn’t some kind of stupid rib. I was never a fan of his before because he was stuck with a horribly bad tag team partner. He’s not a bad wrestler, but the Prime Time Players were never going to do anything for him because Titus is just THAT BAD. But, he needs a character to get him anywhere, and if they think using a parody of “Make America Great Again,” aka the slogan of a racist homophobic bigot, for someone who is both African American and gay is something I’m going to get behind, then they are completely fucking delusional. Anything that uses something that sounds like that phrase is something those of sane mind avoid like the plague. And WWE shouldn’t be using the phrase at all, because using that phrase even as a joke makes what that slogan represents seem okay, and it’s not. WWE should be trying to avoid any kind of association with Donald Drumpf as they can – they should be removing him from their Hall of Fame and be pretending anything with him in it on their show never happened. They did it with Benoit and Hogan, but somehow Drumpf remains there. What a complete farce. Anyways, back to this match – both of the midcard title matches are going to end up the same. The Miz, the IC champ, is on Smackdown, Darren is on Raw. Rusev, the US champ, is on Raw. His challenger, Zack Ryder, is on Smackdown. So either both titles change hands, or both champions retain. We will not end up with both champs on one show. And since I’m positive Rusev is retaining, The Miz retains. And hopefully moves on to better challengers, but since Smackdown has jackshit, he’s fucked.
Prediction: The Miz
WWE United States Championship
Rusev (c) vs. Zack Ryder
So, I’ve already established that I predict Rusev to win for reasons already stated. Can I just say I was excited for this show up until they decided to make the midcard title matches be completely worthless? Darren Young and Zack Ryder are both worthless but for some reason are getting title matches?? WHERE IS CESARO?? Cesaro vs. Rusev would be a good match probably, so what about that? Any success Ryder gets now is five years too late. Everyone loved him in 2011. You know what you do when people love someone in 2011? YOU PUSH THEM! IN 2011!! But it’s 2016 and he’s been buried over and over since 2011, but NOW you decide to let him win a title at Mania and give him more title matches?? Go fuck yourself. PUSH PEOPLE WHEN PEOPLE ARE CHEERING FOR THEM, NOT FIVE YEARS AFTER YOU BURY THEM TO THE POINT OF NOTHINGNESS. Also, I’m confident in a Rusev win for something I’ve heard that’s happening next week.
The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family
Here’s a good one. I’ve really enjoyed this feud, and while this would be a far better match if Braun Strowman was Luke Harper, it should still be fun. And I would totally think that the Wyatts would win and set up for a title match at SummerSlam, BUT the draft split up they Wyatts because WWE is stupid. WHY WOULD WE WANT STROWMAN BY HIMSELF? Also, STOP COMPARING THAT COMPOUND THING TO THE FINAL DELETION. THE COMPOUND THING WAS TAPED BEFORE THE FINAL DELETION AIRED SO THEY CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE COPIED TNA. NO ONE COPIES TNA. TNA COPIES EVERYONE. AND AT LEAST THE COMPOUND THING SEEMED LOGICAL AND WAS ENTERTAINING. THE FINAL DELETION IS ONE OF THE DUMBEST THINGS IN WRESTLING EVER. So, unless the Xavier thing leads to helping the Wyatts win, I think New Day wins because the Wyatts are no more. If I had to guess, New Day vs. SAWFT is the plan for SummerSlam.
Prediction: The New Day
Sasha Banks and ??? vs. Charlotte and Dana Brooke
Ok, so instead of getting a title match that Sasha justly deserves, we’re getting another tag team match. BUT WHY? THIS IS SOME NIKKI BELLA TITLE REIGN BULLSHIT AND NOW CHARLOTTE IS GETTING IT. Yes, I hate the Bellas, but let’s be real here – Charlotte is getting her title reign protected just like Nikki was. We desperately needed that title off of Nikki, and Charlotte’s title reign should have ended at WrestleMania, especially if we’re just going to have random tag team matches on PPVs. I mean, I’m happy to say now that the “longest reigning” champion is now one who is at least a good wrestler, but still, they called up three of the four NXT girls and gave the long as fuck title reign to the clear worst of the three. Her mic skills are still atrocious, and the sad thing is some people think she’s great at it. I won’t say she’s worse than the Bellas but she’s not really better than them either. She’s better than Dana Brooke, I guess. And Natalya is just as bad. If we’re going to have someone have a title reign this long, they need to be good in the ring and on the mic, and that is Sasha, Becky, Paige, or Emma. Well, Alexa just got called up too. (Oh, and for the sad little Bella fans I probably upset with the “longest reigning” comment, I hear you bitching that the Divas title was retired at Mania and that the new title “doesn’t count” towards the 302 days needed towards “breaking that title reign,” but considering we’re all still surprised they were smart enough to make the new title to begin with, and we can’t control when they decide to do something like that, and Charlotte would still be the champion regardless of whether that belt existed or not, you’re really just arguing semantics now to try to protect your precious little terrible wrestler’s meaningless accomplishment, aren’t you? Yea, I thought so.) Anyways, that being said, let’s just look at this logically for a moment, shall we? So, Sasha wants a title match, right? So, she has to beat the team of Charlotte and Dana in a tag match to get it, because we’re going with Bella Twins booking, right? So, when Sasha and Paige beat both of them in a tag match a few weeks ago, what exactly was that for? Funsies? So, that happened, and then Sasha beat Dana two times in a week, because beating a terrible wrestler once isn’t enough to prove you deserve something apparently. And they even called Sasha beating Dana an upset, when it’s really called a forgone conclusion. So, now Sasha has to win a tag match again. So Charlotte doesn’t have to defend at a PPV for the second PPV IN A ROW. SO MUCH FOR PROGRESS. SO MUCH FOR NOT FALLING BACK TO LAZY BOOKING. Also, as I illustrate in one of my favorite posts, Bellageddon, if you need to beat the team the champ is on for a title match, why does your tag team partner not also get a title match? Anyways, so who will be the mystery partner? I’ve heard Nikki Bella could be it, which makes absolutely no sense. She’s not even healed yet. I’ve heard one thing that could be really interesting – and there’s a chance of it – but I’m not spoiling that if it’s true. Of course everyone already automatically decided that it’s Bayley, which would be cool but it wouldn’t make sense. And if we can talk about that for a moment – I get it, we all love Bayley. But let’s kill this “Hey we want some Bayley” chants, PLEASE? They are painful. That chant is for marks. And I get it, of course you think it’s Bayley – her call up is long overdue. But for those who think she’s better than Sasha and Becky, I do not understand where you get that from. Becky is probably the best on the entire women’s roster in terms of wrestling except for maybe Asuka. Sasha is the best overall package of all of them – wrestling, character, mic skills, everything. She’s better than most of the men. Bayley and Becky are tied, really. Bayley doesn’t have the mic skills still consider her better than the others. Emma is sometimes above her, too. Sasha, and Becky are top tier, Paige, Bayley, Asuka, and Emma are right there just below them. Alexa is catching up, and Charlotte is the topmost tier below them. But, let’s also bitch for a moment that DANA BROOKE, NIA JAX, AND EVA MARIE HAVE ALL BEEN CALLED UP BEFORE BAYLEY. THIS IS FUCKING STUPID. Also, Paige already worked for Sasha, so logically you pick her. And Twitter decided that it was Paige because the silhouette in the image is a silhouette of Paige, as if that actually means anything. So, the mystery partner is either Paige, Bayley, or someone I won’t spoil.
Prediction: Sasha Banks and ???
Now, I have to rant about a couple other women’s wrestling related things before I rant about another women’s wrestling related thing. I just have to, and I don’t want to make another post for it, so between the two women’s matches on this card seems like a good point.
Someone I follow on Twitter posted this from reddit of something from a Bellas comic con panel recently:
If that’s true, that’s some fucked up shit. That being said, it is the Bellas saying that, so I have trouble believing that it’s true with the amount of things they say just to make themselves look better and put other people down. I mean, they can’t do it through actual talent, so making this kind of shit up to make the ones with talent look like they’re getting special treatment is what they have to do to keep their spots – and their fans eat this shit up as if its truth. They have to make it look like the talented people are the bad guys because their special treatment is being taken away and they don’t like that the company is at least trying to move on to people with talent and not people who have to surround themselves with so much power just to ensure their spots on the card despite their minimal skill level.
I could believe the AJ/Nikki thing getting cut short – and I would hope that that’s true because that would explain a lot about that shit. That was a travesty, and if that’s true and I don’t have to blame the Bellas for that shit anymore, that’d be good. It was still a travesty though.
That being said, the same person who posted it also said that the Paige/Nikki matches were all better than most of the NXT Takeover women’s matches and that made me laugh hysterically. Those matches were not great, except maybe that one on Main Event that I never got to watch in January of 2015. But none of the PPV ones were anything special. That’s not Paige’s or Nikki’s fault – it was all terrible booking. But, better than MOST of the NXT Takeover matches? Like, which ones?
Paige vs. Emma? Nope.
Charlotte vs. Natalya? Maybe. But that’s the first one that made people go nuts.
Charlotte vs. Bayley? Maybe. Don’t really remember it that much.
Charlotte vs. Sasha? Definitely not.
Four Horsewomen Fatal 4-Way? Definitely not.
Sasha/Becky? LOL Nope.
Sasha/Bayley? LOL Nope.
Sasha/Bayley II? LOL Nope.
Bayley/Nia? Ok, I won’t fight you on this, but I don’t know.
Asuka/Nia? Ok, that’s fine.
So, if those matches were better than most of the NXT Takeover matches, how come out of the 11 of those matches, Paige vs. Nikki is definitely not better than seven of those. And I mean, definitively worse than them. And two of them are questionable. So, the math proves that wrong.
Also, the other thing I wanted to mention, is that I’ve heard/read women from the past calling the women of today “not stars” like they used to be. And I’m not talking about the actual stars of the past like Trish or Lita. I’m talking about Kelly Kelly. And I think I read a while ago of Dawn Marie saying similar things.
I know Kelly Kelly was recently interviewed about her time and potentially going back or something, and she said that WWE doesn’t focus on them anymore like they used to – that they shifted away from models. OF COURSE THEY DID YOU DOPE. WE MOVED ON TO PEOPLE WITH TALENT. WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD A TIME WHERE IT WAS ALL MODELS. AND NO ONE MISSES YOU ANYWAY. WE DON’T MISS YOUR TERRIBLE THEME SONG. WE DON’T MISS YOUR GOD AWFUL SCREAMING. WE DON’T MISS YOU SCREAMING COME ON AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY MOVE OUT OF THE WAY OF YOU RUBBING YOUR ASS IN THEIR FACE, AS IF THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO WANT TO TAKE OFFENSE FROM THEIR OPPONENTS. THIS IS WRESTLING – THE POINT IS NOT TAKING YOUR OPPONENT’S OFFENSE. THIS IS WHY THEY DON’T HAVE YOU ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO TALENT OR LOGIC IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING.
WE DON’T WANT MODELS. WE WANT WOMEN THAT CAN WRESTLE. END OF STORY. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MERITOCRACY WHERE THE PEOPLE WITH THE MOST TALENT ARE THE ONES WHO ARE PUSHED.
Anyways, now that the bonus rant is over.
Becky Lynch vs. Natalya
You thought the ranting about the progress, or lack thereof, in the women’s division was over, didn’t you? WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG. So, the ranting about this isn’t about the match. The match should be good, and Becky should win, and we’ll all be happy. I’m happy that there’s a second women’s match on the card – that’s progress. But, the saddest part of the draft is Becky Lynch. Becky was put on Smackdown, the title is on Raw, and assuming that it’s exclusive, then that sucks. We could get a second women’s championship, but in the end, why? The women’s division on Smackdown is shit. Sure, Becky Lynch is great, and Alexa Bliss and Carmella are good, but there’s really nothing else there. Eva Marie is utter shit, Naomi’s not much better, and Natalya can go fuck herself. So, if you get a second women’s title, the Becky’s the champ for basically forever, until Alexa is ready to take it off of her. But Alexa can’t be built up by beating just Natalya and Naomi – she needs to beat people who aren’t scrubs. Paige really should have went on Smackdown to help both its women’s roster and her own career. (But the draft might have split her and Del Rio up as a couple which is a positive – I know it doesn’t seem like it but Del Rio is a huge douche and her being influenced by him could be bad when she has so much potential and Del Rio is a worthless sellout.) So, either Becky gets that long title reign, or she doesn’t get a title reign she justly deserves. It’s sad. And even sadder that she’s stuck fighting Natalya, Naomi, and Eva for quite a while.
Prediction: Becky Lynch
Prediction: Kevin Owens
John Cena and SAWFT vs. A.J. Styles and the Club
Whose dumb idea was it to draft the Club to Raw, away from A.J.? I was just starting to get into them as a unit. And I’m so happy that Cena and Orton ended up on the same show – we can finally get that dream match we’ve all been waiting for. Oh wait. Also, who the fuck keeps coming up with these reports that Vince is high on Big Cass and that he’s going to push him really hard, really soon? WAKE UP. They just debuted, they haven’t even won the tag titles yet, and they aren’t good enough to be apart yet. They need each other. So calm the fuck down. They’re going to be a team for a long time. If not WWE fucked up. They also need to go back to using the old name of their finisher because “Bada Boom Shaka Laka” is terrible. As easy as it is to say “Cena gets his win,” since it’s a tag match, either team leader could easily pin one of the backup members. That being said, it makes me unsure who will win.
Prediction: John Cena and SAWFT
Triple Threat Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns
Hey look it’s the Shield Triple Threat Match we all wanted and it’s happening at WrestleM….It’s happening at SummerS….It’s happening at Battleground! We totally should have a wrestlemania worthy match on Battleground! Logic! Also, apparently you can get suspended for something, go away for a month, and still get a title match in the PPV main event when you get back!! Oh well, as long as he doesn’t win, I don’t mind. I want this match. And as much as I’d love Ambrose to retain, either Seth wins or there’s some kind of messed up finish.
Prediction: Seth Rollins
Randy Orton will also be on the highlight reel.
Anyways, that’s all for my super ranty post here. The Smackdown roster is shit and there’s like, ten people on it even worth watching to me. Dean, A.J., Becky, Alexa, Carmella, Baron, Bray, American Alpha, and Kalisto. That’s it. So, the review will be up as soon as possible after the show. I’ll be in North Carolina on Sunday through Wednesday, but I do plan to watch it on my phone on Sunday and will probably get a review up sometime after since I will have my computer.
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