What a pile of steaming shit that was. Well, it wasn’t steaming shit until the end. It was a load of MEH until the end. Well, except for Paige vs. Charlotte. That was good. But that was pretty much it.

Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio opened the show – why? No one knows. Because a mildly over face vs. a boring as fuck sellout bitch is totally something to get the crowd hyped. And let me tell you something about this Atlanta crowd – they don’t get hyped, they…. well THEY LITERALLY DON’T GET HYPED. Like, at all. I just made fun of both of them the whole match until Reigns won because it was obvious.

Rating: **

Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens, to their credit, had a fun match. But it was nothing memorable. I did enjoy the closing sequence. Ambrose won, no surprise.

Rating: **1/2

The five on five match was Ryback, Lucha Dragons, and Usos vs. New Day and Barrett and Sheamus. This was just weird. I spent most of this match predicting a Ryback heel turn on Kalisto for no real reason and it never happened. It was a fun match until Big E got pinned and New Day left, because reasons. The three man team of Rybac-Kalist-Uso pins Sheamus for the win.

Rating: **

Charlotte defeated Paige in easily the best match of the show and you can not tell me otherwise. It’s the only match I was even excited for. And if you didn’t like this match because of the build then fuck off. A good match is a good match regardless of the build. I’m so sad that Charlotte won clean – I wanted this feud to continue. If this is over and Paige falls into obscurity I may weep openly. Not going to lie. #PaigeIsBae Just go watch this match, enjoy it, and watch nothing else on this show.

Rating: ***1/2

Tyler Breeze defeated Dolph Ziggler in an average match. I remember a dropkick and the Unprettier. I’m sad that I have nothing to say about it.

Rating: **

Undertaker and Kane defeated Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper because duh. Double Chokeslams for Rowan and Strowman (who went through the Spanish Announce Table), Chokeslams for Wyatt and Harper at the same time, and a Tombstone for Harper for the win. There’s really nothing to this outside of Taker wins, duh.

Rating: **

Reigns defeated Ambrose to win the WWE World Title in a match that was starting to get good and then it just ended. It barely even went anywhere – they both kicked out of one finisher and then Reigns gets another Spear and it’s done.

Rating: **

And then Triple H celebrates with Reigns only to be Speared, and Sheamus cashes in and wins the title to kill all of our hopes and dreams of a good storyline or anything like that. Fuck us. SHEAMUS IS NEVER THE ANSWER.

Overall Grade: D+ (And that’s only for the women’s match and Ambrose and Owens.)

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion #InZayn #BalorClub #SashasTheBoss #FightOwensFight #WelcomeToTheWasteland #SAWFT #BayleysGonnaHugYou #JoeIsGonnaKillYou #ReadyWillingAndGable #BAMF #SamoaJoeHasAn8AndaThirdPercentChance #SheamusIsNeverTheAnswer