If WWE really wanted people to care about this show, they should have had it before Takeover Brooklyn. Having watched Takeover the night before, it’s really hard to care about anything that was on this show. I’m not even looking forward to writing about it.

After a pointless segment with Jon Stewart and Mick Foley, the first match was Randy Orton vs. Sheamus which no one gave a fuck about it. Seriously, if the crowd starts chanting random chants in your first match, you seriously fucked that up. It only worked at Battleground because it was in St. Louis. This was in Brooklyn after the feud continued pointlessly for five weeks and no one cared. I don’t even have much to say about it – it was okay – but okay isn’t good enough for SummerSlam. A T-Bone over the top rope, a moderately interesting submission hold, an RKO Outta Nowhere everyone saw coming, and Sheamus winning isn’t going to make anyone care.

Rating: **

The Fatal Four Way for the WWE World Tag Team Championship was entertaining, if not a little botchy. First off, New Day had both its members in at the same time and tried to pin each other. If that was actually legal it would’ve happened before 2015. But it’s about as entertaining as these things can be, and thankfully New Day won – it’s not the Lucha Dragons, but thank God the belts are off PTP.

Rating: **1/2

Dolph Ziggler and Rusev had a decent match I gave no shits about for a bit with the only interesting moment being Rusev’s somersault senton before it ended in a double countout meaning this feud will continue to everyone’s chagrin. Dolph deserves so much better.

Rating: **

Neville and Stephen Amell defeated Stardust and Bad News Barrett in a fun match. This is probably one of the best celebrity cameo matches as Amell took actual bumps and Stardust/Barrett didn’t have to change any of their offense to protect him. If Amell were to actually train to be a wrestler I could buy it. I appreciate that Neville got the pin as well.

Rating: **1/2

Ryback retained the Intercontinental Championship in a boring match against Big Show and Miz to no one’s surprise. And unfortunately he pinned Miz so his feud with Big Show will continue, meaning we are all doomed.

Rating: *1/2

Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns defeated Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper in a decent tag team match. Not much to say about it outside of I hope this feud is done. Can Luke Harper do something, please? And can Ambrose turn heel or what? I’ve seen too much of this match or variation of it to care for it anytime in the near future.

Rating: **

Seth Rollins and John Cena were having a really good match for the WWE U.S. World Heavyweight Championship (shorthand) up until the finish. The Frog Splash was awesome. I very much appreciated Rollins doing the roll through F-U spot on Cena as I FUCKING DESPISE that spot. It’s so fucking dumb. The best part was the superplex right into another suplex spot by Rollins. Cena had the balls to try to win the 16th title with a Figure Four. But then the ref gets KO’ed and Jon Stewart of all people comes in with a chair and has a mental dilemma of who to hit with it before hitting Cena with it, and allowing Rollins hit a Pedigree on the chair for the win. Best possible result, but that doesn’t make the finish any less dumb.

Rating: ***1/2 (Possibly generous)

The divas triple trios elimination match was fun, but nowhere near as entertaining as it should have been. First off, Sasha and Her Burden were eliminated way too quickly. Granted, her partners suck, but they should’ve been in there longer. And then it just became Bellas beating down on Paige for an hour before making a hot tag to Charlotte, who took care of Alicia, Paige got rid of Nikki, and Becky randomly pins Brie after a Pumphandle Buster which isn’t even her finisher. It was random. Yes, PCB won which is the only logical conclusion of the match, but it should have been way better. The winning team should have in-fought for the title to crown a new champion afterwards, which was my suggestion. People would’ve cared then. If there aren’t any real storylines and personal issues, the Divas Revolution will remain on NXT and only will pretend to be on Raw. Just throwing three girls with actual talent into the mix isn’t going to fix the problem.

Also, one more problem here. I’ve seen some people on Twitter claiming PCB was booed because they won another match, and that WWE is racist that Team BAD was eliminated first. What, so WWE is racist because the match reached its only logical conclusion? I mean, obviously PCB has to win – it’s about change, isn’t it? Their the faces, right? I mean, I realize Sasha is on team BAD (she shouldn’t be), she’s only one new (to the main roster) diva. Charlotte and Becky are with Paige, and Paige is the reason there is a revolution to begin with (on the main roster). The Bellas weren’t going to be eliminated first, they’re the Big Bad. And it wasn’t going to be heels vs. heels at the end. Now, I totally agree they should’ve been in the match longer (for Sasha’s sake), but calling WWE racist because they were eliminated first is absolute bullshit. They weren’t eliminated first because they are black, they were eliminated first because A) they’re one of two heel teams, B) the other heel team are bigger heels, C) Obviously PCB is going to win, they are combined the most talented and it’s not close, D) Sasha is the best or second best female on the roster depending on who you ask (only competition is Paige), but that doesn’t make Naomi and Tamina not absolutely suck (They’re called Team BAD for a reason, and also as Sasha and her Burden). As long as Naomi and Tamina are on this team don’t be surprised if they don’t go very far – Sasha can’t carry them that far, no matter how good she is. And by PCB being booed you mean it was your “floor section” which really means you and anyone who went to the show with you, not your whole section. So don’t go claiming they got booed when it was just you, you moron.

Rating: **1/2

Kevin Owens defeated Cesaro in a good match that was tough to get into just because I’d sat through so much already that I didn’t care about. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but there’s not much I can say about it. I was expecting it to be good, so that’s it.

Rating: ***

And finally Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker. Hurray. I couldn’t even bring myself to preview this, and I hardly want to talk about it. Look, it was good, until the finish. It was way better than the WM30 match, that’s for sure. I did enjoy the F-5 through the table and them laughing at each other maniacally. But then the ref is checking Brock’s shoulder while he’s got Taker in the Kimura and Taker taps while the ref doesn’t see it but the bell rings BECAUSE THE TIMEKEEPER SAW IT?? We’ll get to this in a second, but then chaos ensues, Taker hits a low blow, gets Brock in Hells Gate and Brock passes out while flipping Taker off and Taker wins. What the absolute fuck. So, Brock loses because the timekeeper of a scripted show made a booboo. This is just an insult to intelligence. The same people whose preview I posted in the predictions brought this up – since when does the timekeeper EVER ring the bell before the referee tells him to??? EVER. Even if the timekeeper somehow sees Taker tap, which is questionable at best, that doesn’t mean he can ring the bell. He knows his job is to ring the bell when the ref says so. It’s always been that way, why is now suddenly different just because the ref didn’t see the tap out? The ref didn’t see Cena pin Rollins for a 1 2 3 earlier in the night after the ref bump even though there was plenty of time, so why wasn’t the timekeeper ringing the bell then? If that’s the case WHY EVEN HAVE A REFEREE? It completely contradicts the whole entire “Referee didn’t see it” cheating spot that’s used all the time. It’s so fucking dumb. It was a good match up until that point, but the finish absolutely killed it. The crowd was left dead at the end of the show. This match never should’ve happened or Lesnar should’ve won, now we’re likely going to have a third which is a complete waste of Lesnar’s few appearances and Taker’s last few matches. Not to mention Taker collapsed on the way backstage again SO GREAT FUCKING JOB.

Rating: **

Overall, the show was forgettable at best. The main events were good but then had terrible finishes. The rest was ok to good but nothing particularly memorable. SummerSlam is supposed to be memorable and it’s supposed to be where big stories come to a head. None of that was true here – most of the stories are going to continue and no one’s excited for it. SummerSlam had two main events that were good with shitty finishes. Takeover had two main events that were amazing and had logical, clean, good finishes. Both are put on by the same company. I don’t fucking understand. Why are the people who write NXT NOT writing Raw too? It’s not that fucking complicated. Takeover was the real SummerSlam. Also, why was this show four hours? It ended at 945, had a 15 minute opening promo, and had so many ads. This could’ve been a normal three hour show because we certainly didn’t get something good enough to be four hours.

Overall Rating: **1/2

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