Okay, so it’s safe to say there was only one bright spot on this show. The rest of it was bad to okay. But there’s only going to be one thing I remember this show by – at least in a positive light.

After a fifteen minute, boring promo between Vince McMahon, the Authority, and John Cena that did nothing but establish the stipulations of the main event we’ve known for three weeks, we finally got our first match.

The first match was the fatal 4 way tag team match for the WWE World Tag Team Championship, with Little Gold Star defending against the Usos, the Matadors, and The Miz and Damien Mizdow. It was a decent match, but nothing really amazing or anything. Mizdow was great as usual. But the finish was out of nowhere and I’m really not into Miz and Mizdow winning. Yes, it finally gets Mizdow a title – that’s nice – but a title retention would’ve been best.

Rating: **1/2

Next was the four on four women’s elimination match, with Team Paige vs. Team Emma. (Fuck Natalya.) I was shocked by how much time this got. I haven’t seen a women’s match get this much time on the main roster since……..I can’t really think of one. Someone would have to point it out for me. (Unless it just felt really long to me, I don’t know.) It was nice to see them actually get time. It’s just too bad that it was poorly booked. Look, I don’t care if you want to make the rest of Team Paige look like shit, but Paige should’ve come back and dominated the other team and won the match on her own. Paige is better than ALL of them. She shouldn’t be made to look weak or afraid of the likes of stupid Alicia Fox. Or the self-entitled attention whore douchebag Natalya. This could probably have been a pretty highly rated match if it wasn’t for poor booking decisions and some sloppiness.

Rating: **1/2

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt was an enjoyable match, yes. But it was cut kind of short and it just set up for an Ambrose/Wyatt TLC match that they already announced on this PPV, after Ambrose put Wyatt through a table and hit him with some chairs and stood on a ladder. Part of this attack was fun, part of it made no sense. He threw tons of chairs into the ring, yes. Did he do anything with them? No. He set up a ladder. But he just stood at the top. Also, I don’t mind the DQ that much – if he dropped the chair and just continued the match like he was Cena, I would have a problem with that.

Rating: **1/2

Adam Rose and the Bunny beat Slater Gator in a boring squash match.

Rating: DUD

Oh, and then this atrocity. A.J. Lee vs. Nikki Bella for the Second Rate Women’s Championship. I am facepalming so hard right now. It wasn’t even a match. Brie stands on the apron for no good reason. A.J. goes over to her. Brie kisses her, because apparently that makes sense. A.J. turns into a stupid forearm shot and Nikki’s weak ass finisher and loses. I mean, at this point I hope the rumors of her leaving the company are true for all the bullshit they just put her through. Of course all the dudes are like “Calm down we just saw A.J. and Brie kiss!” because they’re morons like that. (I mean, come on. It’s not like it was Paige or something. It was Brie. At lease have standards.) (Also, since A.J. and Brie just kissed, does that mean C.M. Punk and Daniel Bryan just kissed by association/proxy?) Anyways, everyone, collective facepalm at this. WWE, you have two days to fix this – you better have done this because you can’t have had Brie turn on Nikki today because the 30 days aren’t up yet and Tuesday on Main Event it will be. (Not that consistency with actual dates has ever really mattered and WWE would normally just call 28 days 30.) So, WWE – Tuesday on Main Event, Nikki vs. AJ rematch and Brie costs Nikki the belt. By kissing her sister (and effectively doing nothing!) two seconds in and A.J. gets it back. Do it or die. (Ok, well I can’t back that threat up, but that’s my sentiments on it.)

Rating: DUD

And finally, the main event, Team Cena vs. Team Authority. Well, with all the shit that this storyline has been getting and how uninterested most people were in it – for the most part, this match was really good. There were some flaws in booking or just in execution that bothered me, but overall it turned out probably the best way it could have. Mark Henry getting Cancer Punched in a minute and being eliminated was amusing. (Although, did anyone notice that Rollins slaps Henry’s shoulder right before he turns into the punch, thusly tagging himself in and thus Henry wasn’t the legal man and shouldn’t have been able to be eliminated? Because I sure did. Oh well.)  Ryback being the first eliminated from Team Cena made no sense to me considering he was built up to be such a big deal when the Authority tried to get him and then Cena did. But fuck it, it’s Ryback. Then everyone beat the crap out of Dolph for a while. Like, a long time. Then, after pretty much everyone got thrown into piles on the outside, Rusev takes apart the announce tables. And as he’s going to hit a huge splash on Dolph, Dolph moves out of the way and Rusev goes through it on his own. Dolph barely makes it back in the ring at nine, and Rusev, despite the Authority trying to get him up and throwing him back in themselves starting at the 1 second mark, doesn’t make it in. I have two problems with this. 1) The ref starts counting to ten after Rusev goes through the table, yet both of them were out of the ring for at least double that count before the ref even began counting. 2) The Authority stooges look incredibly stupid here, as they both try to pick up Rusev and throw him in and fail. Logically shouldn’t one at least hold Dolph down so he can’t make it in, and the sides would at least remain even an three? Whatever, Dolph is awesome. After a bit, Dolph finally tags in Cena, who’s done basically nothing in this match so far but take a Chokeslam from Kane. He hits either all of his combo moves on Kane, or missed the FU because Rollins saved Kane and Curb Stomps him. Cena tags in Erick Rowan, whose new music is awful, and he eventually gets eliminated by Luke Harper. Now it’s back to three on three, with the heels standing in the ring, Cena down, Dolph down on the floor, and in comes Big Show. Big Show stands next to Cena and waits for Cena to get up. I comically say “And Big Show Cancer Punches Cena!” for kicks. And then Big Show Cancer Punched Cena. (Yea that was obvious.) And Cena was out just like that. (List of what Cena did in this match: one set of five moves of doom, got Chokeslammed, Curb Stomped, and Cancer Punched.) So Cena was out and Big Show left, leaving Dolph down 3 on 1. Yay. Michael Cole, like a douche, assumes it’s over. Nope. I sat there wondering – “Are they actually going to do this?” Crowd cheers for Dolph. Superkick, ZigZag, Kane is out. “Let’s go Ziggler! Let’s go Ziggler!” Dolph vs. Rollins and Harper – look, the match came down to the younger guys, OMG. Harper hits a big boot, a suicide dive, and a super kick. Two count. Awesome Powerbomb. Two count. Tries a Discus Lariat, rolled up, 1. 2. 3. Harper is out! “Let’s go Ziggler! Let’s go Ziggler!” Dolph vs. Rollins for the final fall. Rollup on Rollins. 2 count. DDT on Rollins. 2 count. Powerbomb into the turnbuckle on Dolph. 2 count. Rollins to the top rope, Dolph follows him but gets pushed off. Rollins tries a flying knee, Dolph moves out of the way. Fameasser on Rollins, 2 count. Dolph takes out the stooges on the apron, moves out of the way of a splash in the corner, Zigzag! 1..2…..Triple H pulls the ref out. Stooges come in and beat on Dolph, pick him up – he ducks a punch and shoves one stooge into the other stooge who runs into Stephanie on the apron who falls onto Triple H. Dolph Superkicks one stooge, then Superkicks the other stooge. Rollins comes in, powerbombs Dolph into the corner, tries a Curb stomp, Dolph dodges, ZigZag! 1….2….3…4….5….6…There’s no referee still. Another one finally shows up, 1…2…….Triple H Elbow Drops the referee. Triple H takes off his jacket, getting the power boost, undoes his wrist buttons, beats on Dolph. Huge Clothesline. Pedigree. Drags Rollins on top of Dolph. Calls for a referee. 1…2…Random music plays, Sting shows up in WWE in 2014, crowd reacts like it’s 2001., except for those who have no idea who the fuck he is because it’s 2014 and the target audience is kids. Sting attacks the referee who comes out of the ring, because apparently Sting’s music made him unable to hit the mat one more time and say three so the Authority would win. (Because, logic!) Sting comes in, he and Triple H walk slowly in a circle for a bit until Triple H is like “WTF are you doing here?”, tries to attack him, Sting ducks, kicks him, Scorpion Death Drop. Sting goes over to where Rollins is still on top of Dolph, both of which are still seemingly still down from moves that were done to them like five minutes beforehand, and rolls them over so Dolph is on top of Rollins. Ref comes in. 1…2…3! DOLPH F’ING ZIGGLER IS THE SOLE SURVIVOR AND KILLED THE AUTHORITY WITH HIS OWN TWO HANDS! Suck on that, Cena.

Rating: ****

Overall, outside of that main event, there were several duds, and several decent to good matches. But the only thing I’m really going to remember this show for is Dolph Ziggler being the sole survivor and killing the authority! Outside of some logic flaws and some overbooking at the end, if they had to end the authority, they booked that match to near perfection. If anyone on that team was to be responsible for the end of the Authority, it should have been Dolph, and it was. I knew going in that the only way I was going to be happy with the outcome of the match with the good guys winning was if they made Dolph look like the star he deserves to. AND THEY FUCKING DID IT. You can be all “OMG Sting showed up!” if you want to, but not me. I don’t give a single fuck about Sting. It’s 2014. Not 2001. I’m happy for all of the fans of Sting who’ve wanted to see him in WWE for so long now, but I started watching in the Invasion angle after WCW was dead, and I’ve watched very little of that company in my years as a wrestling fan. If I’d watched WCW, I would have liked Sting. I know that. (I’ve come to the conclusion that the only WCW guys I would’ve liked would have been Sting, DDP, and someone I can’t even remember, unless it’s the obvious answer of Goldberg.) But it’s 2014. I don’t care about seeing Sting wrestle in WWE – he’s in his fifties. Sting fans are overlooking this in their “OMG STING IS HERE” reactions. I don’t mind seeing him. But I’m not going to get excited to see him wrestle in 2015, unless it’s against young talent and he loses. The fact remains – Survivor Series 2014 is about one man, and one man alone to me. And his name is Dolph F’ing Ziggler.

Overall Rating: **1/2

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #LunaticFringe #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers #AJIsTheBestDivaInTheWorld #PaigeIsTheBloodyDivasChampion