I’m trying to find words right now. I’m not sure where things go from here.

We now live in a world where Undertaker’s lost at WrestleMania. What is life? I’m going to let you all take that one in for a moment.

It’s hard to come up with things to say outside of “Look at all the butthurt attitude era fans!!!!!” right now. Honestly, I’m just numb to it. Really – I should care, but I really don’t. It wasn’t right, but I choose not to be super angry about it. I don’t have to be angry just because everyone else is. Sorry.

My mind is blown right now, though. This review is already struggling because of it.

The preshow match was a Fatal 4 Way Elimination Tag Team Match with the Usos defending the WWE World Tag Team Championship against the Real Americans, Rybaxel, and Los Matadores. This match doesn’t get a rating due to it being on the preshow, but it was a very fun match. Making it an elimination match was even better. It was fun, and the only thing that disappointed me was the lack of a Cesaro Swing until I realized the Real Americans were going to split, and he swung Swagger.

The opening of the show saw Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock  in the ring together for about twenty minutes. It was fun.

The first match was Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H, winner gets into the WWE title match. This match was really good. The storytelling was great, with Triple H going after Bryan’s injured shoulder. A lot of offense targeted at it, as there should have been. The only real problem I have was that there wasn’t really a time that I thought Triple H would actually win, no matter how much he did, but oh well. Great match, and to no surprise, Triple H attacks Bryan after the match is over.

Rating: ****

The next match was the Shield vs. Kane and the New Age Outlaws, in probably the best two to three minute match I’ve seen (barring money in the bank cash ins). The Shield destroyed them and that’s what it should’ve been. As much as I’d have loved to see the Shield wrestle for a lot longer, I wouldn’t want to see them struggle against old guys. That double powerbomb on the Outlaws was sweet, too.

Rating: **1/2 (Not a great rating, but will still count positively towards show.)

Next was the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. This match was fun, and I loved seeing Cesaro end up in this match after thinking he was stuck on the preshow. Now I can say that he’s had a match at Mania legitimately. Kofi’s ridiculous save was ridiculous – I thought it was a botch, actually. I thought he was supposed to land on the stairs standing, then he fell, but his feet stayed on the steps, so he stayed in. LOL. I was disappointed that Dolph was eliminated by Del Rio – the bane of his more recent career. But then everything was good again when Cesaro legitimately body slammed Big Show over the top rope to win the match! Cesaro is the fucking man.

Rating: **1/2 (Like the previous match, counts positively despite smaller rating)

Next was Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena. First off, Wyatt’s entrance was freaking epic. (Watch it before it’s gone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erb18reor28)  It was weird to see Wyatt with a ridiculously awesome entrance, and Cena with a completely normal entrance. It’s normally the other way around. This match was great. Obviously it wasn’t as awesome as Wyatt vs. Bryan, but it was still very enjoyable. Loved seeing the crowd be so behind Wyatt, even though it’s pretty normal considering who he’s against. Found the Spider Walk happening to confuse Cena out of the Five Knuckle Shuffle hilarious. Random sing along was funny too. Even though Cena won, was good to see Wyatt at least kick out of an AA and get out of the STF. Him trying to get Cena to “finish him” with a chair was also good storytelling, and Cena not doing it added to it. As much as I would’ve loved Bray to win, I think I know why he did, and I think Cena will end up putting him over in the future. Though – I know the Rock always goes and kisses his mom in the audience every time he’s there, but – why is Cena hugging the Rock’s mom??

Rating: ***1/2

Ladies and gentlemen, this was a really weird show at times. So weird, that there’s now a French Announce Table. You heard me right. A French Announce Table. NOW THEY WON’T KNOW WHICH ONE TO GO THROUGH FIRST!!!!

And now, for everyone’s main problem with the show. Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. We’ve established Undertaker lost. We’ve established in the preview that the build was terrible. And to top it off, the match was pretty bad. I was not entertained. I was just waiting for it to end. And when Brock won, the only reaction was: What? Did that just happen? It almost seemed like it was a screwup, but it wasn’t. Just about five minutes of shocked faces. Everyone’s hating this. Me? I don’t like it, but I’m not pissed like most everyone seems to. What I don’t like is that it was to someone who shouldn’t have done it, the build was bad, and the match was bad. If this was going to be the end, they should’ve built it way better. I almost think it was a last minute change, in all honesty. I really do think Wyatt was supposed to win, but since Taker went on to lose, they decided to have Cena go over for fear of some kind of riot if the amount of face wins was off, or something. (Even though a Cena win isn’t something that will fix that, they still think it would. But meh.) It’s wrong, and there are better choices, but I’m guessing Taker must be done if he’s putting someone over at Mania. And keep in mind, Taker probably chose to lose – it probably wasn’t WWE’s decision alone. And if it’s Taker’s idea, can you really complain? It’s his career. He can do what he wants with it. If he wants to put over Lesnar, that’s his choice. I know that doesn’t take away from how bad the build and the match was, but keep that in mind when you go bitch about the company.

Rating: **

Next was A.J. defending her WWE Second Rate Women’s Championship against every diva. Obviously this wasn’t wonderful or anything, and it started off like people expected with lots of bad, but as it went on I think it got better. Once they started having just a couple people in at a time, it was ok. AND A.J. KEPT HER RIGHTFULLY DESERVED TITLE. HA. HA. HA. #TapTapTap And she made Naomi tap legitimately by holding her hand and forcing her to, it was hilarious.

Rating: ** (Positive effect on the show.)

And finally, the main event of Randy Orton (Liked seeing his theme played live too, if only he had Burn in My Light played live at 22 when I was there) defending the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against Batista and Daniel Bryan. This match was really good – it started off a little slowly, but it eventually started to pick up. Glad to see Triple H get sledgehammered by Bryan when he interfered again, including the screwy ref from Battleground (Scott Armstrong.) And then, that Batista Bomb-RKO combo on Bryan through the Spanish Announce table looked freaking badass. The crazy thing was, while Bryan was stretchered off for a bit, Orton went through the table too and fell back first onto the monitor. That had to freaking hurt. You’ve got to respect Orton for that. Orton and Batista face off for a while, until Bryan gets back into the match. There was one moment where I thought Orton would retain after he RKO’ed Batista after Bryan being thrown outside, but Batista kicked out. Bryan got the knee to the face on Orton but Batista stopped it. Both of them got a Yes lock but they each other out of it. Then, Batista hits a Batista Bomb on Orton, then gets a Knee to the face and taps to the Yes Lock (I think that was the order – if it’s not, I apologize), and DANIEL BRYAN IS FINALLY THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlSa05Arob8)

Rating: ****

Overall, this show was amazing outside of Undertaker losing. And really, it’s hard for me to be that pissed off about it – the rest of the show was great – just because one person who never loses lost doesn’t mean the show is utter garbage. The match was bad, and that’s the only real blemish on this show. If the build to the match was better, and the match wasn’t bad, this show would be the closest thing to the proverbial five out of five that’s happened since who knows when. But considering I don’t even have WM17 as a five, this clearly isn’t either. It’s not better than WM17 or WM19. But it IS the best WM since at least 24, like I said it was going to be. Honestly, maybe even before that. It’s in my top 5 now, maybe top 3. This was amazing, and you should go watch it if you haven’t – and try not to be butthurt about Taker losing, ok?

Overall Rating: ****1/2


Can’t wait to see what Raw brings tomorrow.

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #BelieveInTheShield #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds #WalkWithTheReapers