Alas, WWE’s final pay per view of 2013, Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. (AKA #FurniturePPV) You know, the PPV filled with tables matches, ladder matches, TLC matches, and the dreaded chairs matches that aren’t logical at all.

What’s that? There’s only a TLC Match?? Then why is it called that name? Your guess is as good as mine. Regardless, I’m happy that after this show we can all just take a break until the year’s over for wrestling, because after Raw Monday I’m sure the rest of the shows this year will be completely irrelevant as they’ll probably be holiday themed. I’ll be busy being on vacation away from the cold, too.

That’s right. After this weekend, we can move on from 2013 and start the road to WrestleMania, which I’m already more interested in that I was for 29, and nothing’s even set in stone at all. It looks like Punk vs. Triple H will happen but that’s the only thing I could probably give some kind of guarantee for. But at least this PPV seems at least somewhat important, as if the main event does indeed lead to one champion, then things will indeed shake up.

First and foremost, we should address why the hell Dolph Ziggler is on the preshow again. Why? WHY???? The fact that John Cena put him over on Raw better lead to bigger things for him come 2014. And he’ll beat Fandango.

The first match is A.J. Lee defending her WWE Third Rate Women’s Championship against Natalya. Ah, what could easily be a WM30 match if given the build. Instead, it’s on TLC. (That begs the question of who A.J.’s going to face at WM30 – is Paige finally going to show up? Or finally a blowoff AJ/Kaitlyn match?) Anyways, there’s been no real build, but the match should be good. Two of the best divas they have, obviously. A.J. will retain.

Next, Big E. Langston will defend the WWE Intercontinental Championship against Damien Sandow. I don’t understand how Damien Sandow went from cashing in and losing, to saying he’s going to end the “Cena era” if it’s the last thing he does a month ago, to now apparently wanting the IC Title. It makes no sense. His push seems to have completely died. I guess I want him to win this, but I have nothing against Langston who will likely retain. Another match with no real buildup.

In the third match with no real buildup, Cody Rhodes and Goldust will defend the WWE World Tag Team Championship against the Real Americans, Big Show and Rey Mysterio, and Ryback and Curtis Axel. We can hope that this magically becomes a ladder match. Can someone explain to me where Big Show is sort of screwed out of the WWE Title then three weeks later is ok with going for the tag titles? Oh yea, Big Show’s an idiot, that’s why. It’s like that time at Elimination Chamber 2012 he was going for the World Title and lost, then was happy at WM28 just going for the IC Title (which he never should’ve won.) Also, why are he and Rey Mysterio a tag team? I don’t understand. “Hey the tallest and the smallest, let’s be a team!” Yea no. I’d prefer Rey to have a different tag partner, is what I’m trying to say. They both have better things they could be doing – like Big Show could be busy retiring right now, and Rey could – well I guess he’s fine with a different partner. And Curtis Axel and Ryback should go back to NXT and work on some new gimmicks. Anyways, the match should be fun, as most tons of people matches are (Please make it a ladder match!), but I don’t see anyone besides Rhodes and Goldust winning, which is good. (Maybe the Real Americans, but I don’t think so.)

The first of two 3 on 1 Handicap Matches is Daniel Bryan taking on the Wyatt Family. Ok, so let’s put out a hypothetical out there. Let’s say some crazy cult members kidnap you and then subsequently let you go. Now, do you come out the next week to a match with one of these guys and act as if nothing happened, or are you pissed off and come out swinging chairs? I think it’s the latter. So why did Daniel Bryan do the former? I don’t understand how that worked. Both of these handicap matches should be fun. I kind of feel like I need to talk about them together since they’re kind of the same thing, but I’m just going to leave the “Pick a Winner” part for when I’m done with the other one. Bray is trying to convince Bryan to join them, I guess just because he has a beard, but Bryan isn’t going to turn heel, so that’s not happening.

The other 3 on 1 Handicap Match, for those who didn’t know and didn’t manage to guess, is C.M. Punk vs. The Shield. This match should be awesome. I’ve been waiting for Punk vs. the Shield for quite a while and we’ve finally started to get it now. I’m particularly looking forward to the Punk vs. Rollins part of this match since Punk trained Rollins (at least somewhat). It would’ve been nice to acknowledge the Shield helping Punk keep the title several times but it hasn’t happened. Most of the story is there being cracks in the Shield, but they aren’t breaking up before February at the earliest, April being the most logical. (Shield vs. Wyatts at WM must happen, otherwise there’d be a triple threat between Shield members which can wait for SummerSlam!)

Anyways, for both of these matches, I’d like one to become a Chairs Match and the other an Elimination Tables Match, preferable Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatts Chairs Match and Punk vs. Shield Elimination Tables Match. I’m not sure who wins them – I think only one of Punk or Bryan would win, and I think it’s be Bryan if one of the two does win. Or they could both lose, I don’t know. (Official Predictions: Daniel Bryan and the Shield.)

And finally, the main event. The TLC Match, where Randy Orton will defend C.M. Punk’s and Daniel Bryan’s WWE Championship and John Cena will defend Dolph Ziggler’s World Heavyweight Championship, and the winner will have the unified C.M. Punk’s, Dolph Ziggler’s, and Daniel Bryan’s WWE World Heavyweight Championship. (That’s going to get really annoying to write for a while if this unification actually happens.) I’m not sure what to think about this anymore – I was all for WWE unifying the belts before this match was announced, but now I’m not so sure. It’s not the fact that it’s Randy Orton vs. John Cena AGAIN considering how many people are pissed off about that, because I can get over that to get a Unified Champion. But the one possibility that came to my head immediately was annoying, and now I’m not so sure I want a Unified Champion because of the fact that I don’t know if people like Dolph, Cesaro, Rollins, or Ambrose will ever get deserved Titles in their futures. And this all seems kind of out of nowhere, doesn’t it, that they’d unify the belts? At a PPV in December? With three weeks build?

Now, I’m going to present several scenarios that could happen, because I’m not entirely sure. (You should know that my official prediction for all John Cena matches is always John Cena, because it’s always a safe bet.)

1) John Cena wins. Woohoo.

2) Randy Orton wins via some kind of Authority help. Joy.

3) The most interesting scenario which was presented to us at the end of Raw: The Authority helps Cena and he turns heel, the entire Road to WrestleMania basically books itself that way. (Cena/Bryan, HHH/Punk) I’ll believe that when I see it.

4) The scenario that was immediately thought of by EVERYONE with a brain. Orton takes one belt down, Cena takes the other – whether it’s their own, or each other’s, it really doesn’t matter. The way they worded the match was never the fact they they were “Unifying” the belts like everyone expects it to be, so both belts will be hanging. If they’re serious about just having one champion, they’d only have one belt hang above the ladder. The fact that there will be two practically screams that this scenario will take place. And if it does, what was the point? THIS SCENARIO CANNOT HAPPEN. THERE MUST BE ONE CHAMPION AT THE END OF THE MATCH, END OF STORY. You can’t have this as the main event, have no winner and two champions after it. If you do, don’t be surprised WHEN EVERYONE DEMANDS A REFUND. This scenario became so obvious to everyone that now everyone expects it, so they’d be really dumb to run with it.

Anyways, those are the predictions for the show. I’m actually looking forward to it, probably the most I have been since any PPV since SummerSlam. Review on Sunday as always.

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #BelieveInTheShield #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #IAmTheEaterOfWorlds