Alright, so I’ve decided that, since the WWE “Slammy Awards” are coming up next week on Raw, I want to give my thoughts on who should win them. This isn’t necessarily who will win them, considering the fact that people will vote on the WWE App that no one has, so it’s either the casual dumbass fan’s opinion, or rigged, and will probably end up being a John Cena dick-sucking fest. So I am going to offer up the true winners of these awards and not ones based off of morons’ opinions.

These are the categories: (OTY = of the year)

Superstar OTY
Extreme Moment OTY
Insult OTY
Double Cross OTY
This is Awesome Moment OTY
Total Diva OTY
LOL! Moment OTY
Match OTY

Since I don’t know what the difference between Extreme and This is awesome, I will only do Extreme Moment (Maybe). And I can’t think of a funny one. Also, there isn’t a Total Diva of the year because no one watches Total Divas and all of them aside from Natalya suck, so we’ll just do Diva of the year.

We will also have rookie, tag team, promo, and comeback of the year.

Let’s start with the Diva of the year.


Diva of the Year can only go to one person, considering she’s the only diva that’s been relevant in the past four years. That is the Divas Champion A.J. Lee. (I mean, who else is there?) A.J. has become the first diva in the past four years that has gotten legitimate popularity – not exactly on the Trish and Lita levels, but at least on the Mickie James level. I guess it’s arguable on the Trish and Lita part, but the attitude era marks would probably have a hissy fit if I claim that A.J is better than Trish ever was. (I fully believe that, by the way. Fuck Trish. Lita was better anyway.) Considering I loved Lita to begin with, who was A.J.’s idol growing up, I think it’s no surprise why I like her. And also considering she’s a modern era psycho Mickie James, who was also my favorite diva after Lita, it again, should be no surprise why A.J. is awesome. She can wrestle, she can talk, she has an actual character/personality, and she’s hot – she’s exactly what WWE should want in a diva. (And yes, butthurt Attitude era marks, she’s also hotter than Trish. There I said it.) To make it clear that A.J. is the only legitimate winner of this award, let’s point out the fact that we got the first legitimate feud between divas that we’ve had in years between A.J. and Kaitlyn, and it was great.

Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACut3qoLDNc


I only intend to talk about specific people once in this post, so for tag team and rookies of the year, we will give out the awards at the same time.

Tag Team and Rookies of the year goes to:


The Shield. (Pictured left to right: Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose) As a tag team or a faction, whichever you like, the Shield debuted at Survivor Series 2012 and has destroyed everyone put in their path. Defeating Daniel Bryan, Kane, and Ryback in a TLC match in what was one of the best matches of 2012, the night before last year’s Slammy’s, then the Super team of John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback at Elimination Chamber, and Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Big Show at WrestleMania 29. Meanwhile, running through names such as The Rock and the Undertaker on Raw, defeating the Brothers of Destruction and Daniel Bryan on Raw before taking out Undertaker on the Smackdown after. They proceeded to win the tag team titles off of Hell No and the U.S. Title off of Kofi Kingston on the same night at Extreme Rules. Since then one or all have been in constant matches of the year – they haven’t had a single bad one. Daniel Bryan and whomever decided to team with him that week would have matches literally almost every show with the Shield and all were great. And more recently, matches with the Usos, the Rhodes’ family, C.M. Punk is just starting to face them, Rey Mysterio – you name it. They’ve been here a year, and I would put them as one of the best teams OF ALL TIME. End of story. The Shield is the MVP of 2013, having high quality main event matches throughout the entire year.


The Shield WrestleMania 29 Entrance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oQbRBlA2TQ

I’m going to give a special mention for rookie of the year to the Wyatt Family, because the Shield technically debuted in 2012. If it has to be in 2013, the only answer is the Wyatt Family because Fandango sucks basically as does Curtis Axel. The Wyatt Family is also awesome, but unfortunately they have only recently started to do anything significant in the past two months, which is why the Shield is the obvious winner.

The Wyatt Family Debut: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nQuETm4gYY

The insult of the year is easily this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr8mfBRsD2s

Once The Rock interrupts, feel free to skip until 9:45. The “best insult” is “Your arms are too short to box with God.”

This is also fun: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGOLwixjlvM (Also best sign ever at 48 seconds)

Also check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cx9Y-Hbmpt8 and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8VsZ7C7cWI for more good ones.

The Extreme Moment, Double Cross, and the Promo of the Year goes to:

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Qm5oUxvTM
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bndb-M4LIPI

The C.M. Punk vs. Brock Lesnar feud was the best feud this year, easily. Unfortunately, after the match at SummerSlam, the feud – while Punk and Heyman still provided some good tv – wasn’t as good because it stuck Punk with useless, talentless pieces of shit such as Curtis Axel and Ryback.

This (live) moment was cool: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGJOPcLqfdc
Here’s another: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGJOPcLqfdc
And this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNi29Lfr3a4

A runner-up for Extreme Moment goes to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JomDNSazq_4

I’ve decided that there is a This is Awesome Moment of the year. This has got to be the best moment of the year that isn’t a return: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKqtFqpRLEk

Found a live version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrqztFHZnSM

I love how he’s a heel and the entire damn crowd cheers anyway. This is the reaction a person is supposed to have when they win a title for the first time. (You listening, Sheamus?) Heel or not, that’s a real moment right there – for someone who’s been in this company since 2006, has deserved the World Title since 2010, got saddled with Jack Swagger as a tag team partner for two years, made both the U.S. and Intercontinental Title mean things again, finally give him the briefcase before putting over everyone constantly and having great match after great match. This is the kind of celebration you have. This is the kind of crowd reaction it deserves. And while A.J.’s his kayfabe girlfriend at the time, that emotion/happiness for him is clearly genuine, and Big E. Langston may have only been around for four months, you can see he knows how big a moment that was too.

Oh, Dolph, what happened? Fuck WWE for punishing people for having the balls to say something the should be said, and give Dolph a WWE Title next year after it’s unified.

The returns of the year are as follows – I don’t think I can pick just one. I’ll just post two links and the other one I can tell you is Goldust.

Chris Jericho – Royal Rumble 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veEisERJy6w

C.M. Punk – Payback 2013 (Live): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39FDDe8-5wI

I guess I should also add in Rob Van Dam.

Superstar of the Year can only go to one person.

That person is Daniel Bryan. 2013 was the year of Daniel Bryan. While he may have started it in a lackluster tag team with Kane, after finally losing the belts to the Shield, he went on a tear and took on the Shield alone for two months, before facing John Cena at SummerSlam for the WWE Championship AND BEATING HIM CLEAN. Unfortunately this Authority angle has killed a lot of his momentum, as Orton cashed in immediately to take the belt, and then he was stripped of it the night after winning at Night of Champions, and never getting a real reign – and he’d better go on to win the Rumble in 2014, but right now he’s in a feud with the Wyatts which is fun, and teaming with Punk. There is NO other option for this award – you could argue C.M. Punk, and in fact I probably would because I wholeheartedly consider C.M. Punk to be better than Daniel Bryan, but we’d all be wrong.

And finally, match of the year. No, it’s not the Rock vs. John Cena. That match was terrible.

I’m going to attempt to give links to as many good matches as I can, but the absolute best match of 2013 was C.M. Punk vs. Brock Lesnar. No questions asked. So let’s see how much of a list I can provide.

C.M. Punk vs. Brock Lesnar, SummerSlam 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5E3E7ad4x8

Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena, SummerSlam 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPvKIN-yD3I

C.M. Punk vs. Undertaker, WrestleMania 29: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN5XVQRyDic

Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkGw9-ewK44

Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro, Raw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORvyQDIfueo

Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns, Raw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnyTubQCwvE

Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust, Battleground 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-GxQSlxHE8

The Shield vs. the Rhodes vs. The Usos, Hell in a Cell 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNOxd2o-a3Q

C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho, Raw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12zn8il-u6g

C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho, Payback 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbbt7oplJxU

C.M. Punk vs. John Cena, Raw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV33xl6kf70

The Shield vs. John Cena, Ryback, and Sheamus, Elimination Chamber 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e17RiMwThNc

World Title MITB Ladder Match, Money in the Bank 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMZPlnCtFUA

WWE Title MITB Ladder Match, Money in the Bank 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1J4BxBaxi4

Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam, Raw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRz_bBnyk8c

There’s another Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins one from Raw in June that I can’t find a full match of that was AWESOME. I’m sad.

Anyways, I think that’s it for the post. These are the true Slammy Winners, no matter what WWE or fans say.

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #BelieveInTheShield #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #ImTheEaterOfWorlds