Alright, so I’ve decided I want to do a brief (hopefully) review of last night’s Raw, as I happened to be there live. I’m going to include the two Superstars matches just because they happened.

My seat was roughly the same as where I sat for Payback, and I chose the location because I knew it’d be right above where The Shield would walk down the steps. Unfortunately I was surrounded by psychotic children. The kids behind me wouldn’t shut up, and cheered for EVERYONE just because they were like “ZOMGZ WWE SUPERSTARZ!!! MOST AWESOMEST THINGZ IN THE WORLDZ!” No matter who it was, they cheered.

The first superstars match was Justin Gabriel and Zack Ryder against Big E. Langston and Damien Sandow. Kind of boring, really. Kids behind me cheered for Sandow’s cartwheel over whichever opponent it was as if he had just hit the most devestating maneuver in the history of wrestling. I’m pretty sure a finger poke of doom would’ve been more effective. Thankfully Sandow’s team won, but then, to torture everyone, The Great Khali and Hornswoggle waddled their way to the ring and chopped Sandow in the head and then did what Khali calls dancing.

The Real Americans then faced Tons of Funk. The “We the People” chant is very over, despite their super-Republican gimmick which should make any normal person hate them. #FuckThem Anyways, as with any Tons of Funk match, which also unfortunately featured Jack Swagger, it wasn’t great. I’m glad I got to see Antonio Cesaro, but I really wish Swagger would stop holding him back. That’s all Swagger’s good at – he held Ziggler back for two years, and now he’s going to hold Cesaro back. Anyways, the finish was also stupid – after taking seemingly no damage, Swagger rams Tensai’s face into the turnbuckle and Cesaro rolls him up for the win.

Before Raw started, the commentators came out. I really wish they’d stop cheering for Lawler – Aren’t we sick of terrible commentary? Cole AND Lawler have both got to go. #SorryImNotSorry

The opening segment of Raw was what it was. Triple H and Stephanie trying to turn the superstars who helped Bryan out last week against Bryan. And then they made an 11-on-3 Handicap Elimination Match for the main event.

The crowd then got to sit through Michael Cole explaining how to install the WWE App as if anyone with a smartphone doesn’t already know how to install an app. Here’s a hint: If someone has a phone that has apps, THEY KNOW HOW TO INSTALL THEM. They don’t actually need you, Michael Cole, to explain how to do it. Also, please don’t tell people in the crowd to install the app – it’s not like it’s possible to do IN AN ARENA. No decent internet.

Alberto Del Rio then faced Kofi Kingston in what was a good match that no one gave a fuck about. I couldn’t give less of a fuck about Del Rio who still for some reason has Dolph Ziggler’s World Title, and Kofi Kingston’s never going to do anything above the midcard apparently. I’m not invested into either of them, good performers or not, so I just didn’t care. The match was good, but the crowd didn’t care and started what can only be called the “Post-WM Crowd Series of Chants”^TM where they chant for JBL, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Randy Savage, and Mike Chioda, among others who tickle their fancy that night. Del Rio wins, weakening Kofi for the main event.

Next, the Wyatt Family (Entrance and Bray Wyatt Promo seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-slHW89W5g #Clap ) faced the Prime Time Players. I’m very ashamed at how much Chicago liked Titus O’Neill. The guy is absolutely terrible. And his stupid seal bark is one of the stupidest taunts I’ve ever seen. This guy can’t even pin someone properly. And while I’m in full support of Darren Young’s decision to come out, I’m not a huge fan of his either. He’s not a bad wrestler, but I’m not a big fan. If he had a better tag team partner, I probably wouldn’t mind them. As far as the Wyatts, I’m still unsure about Rowan and Harper in the ring, but their characters are awesome. I just wish they had some direction. Wyatts win, weakening the PTP for the main event. (Sister Abigail: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EfgJa1HGiA )

The WWE Universe chose Rob Van Dam as Randy Orton’s opponent, although I would’ve preferred Dolph Ziggler. Thanks guys. Whatever, my first two favorite guys against each other. (Rob Van Dam Entrance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XkceZuJj6U) They really need to get Ricardo as far away from RVD as possible right now. Anyways, the match was good. It ended in a double countout and Orton went crazy and DDT’d RVD off the top rope.

I don’t care what any random internet moron wants to say, Randy Orton is still fucking awesome when he’s either the legend killer or the psychotic character that he’s back to right now. He was stale for a long time, yes, but that’s because he’s really just not a good face. People will say he got Mr. Kennedy fired, killed Kofi’s push, ZOMG drugs, call him boring, and wins too many titles, but they can all just go fuck themselves. He is not a second Super Cena. Remember when he lost the title to Mark Henry? Yea. That happened. And then he was in midcard hell for a year and a half putting people over (OMG yes he actually did that unlike Cena) and he does deserve what he has gotten. Are his promos great? No. He did have good promos as the legend killer, but not so much now. But whatever. He’s supposed to be a silent killer anyway. The things I see on the internet pisses me off sometimes. I know I haven’t been as big of an Orton fan as I was before mid-2011 for a while until now, but that’s because he was stale and a bad face. Now he’s back to what he should be and he’s right back up the list. So go save your Super Cena bullshit for the ones that deserve it, John Cena and Sheamus.

Del Rio came out and attacked RVD afterwards, because the feud must continue apparently.

Unfortunately Miz TV was next. Ah, Miz, another pile of trash. Terrible face, not much better heel. I just don’t care. I can’t ever see myself caring about The Miz. I’m sorry. I don’t think he’s terrible in the ring, but just like Del Rio, I just don’t care. And if Miz wasn’t bad enough, his guest was the Big Show, because everyone still wants to see the Big Show. Whatever. After some typical Miz TV bullshit, Stephanie comes out with her lines written on her hand (I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed this), made fun of Miz, and had Big Show knock him out which Big Show did without hesitation and without crying. Because that’s all we need, a Big Show vs. Miz match.

Now, I love everything they’re doing with the Corporation storyline, except for this thing with the Big Show. At first it seemed like they were going to try to build him into some kind of savior for Daniel Bryan which would’ve sucked, and now he’s going to turn heel for the 3849393th time this year, like he does every year. But the whole Big Show is broke thing is completely stupid. Are we supposed to believe that someone who’s been wrestling in WWE for 12+ years is near bankruptcy? Yea, no. If we believe someone who’s been in WWE for that long has nearly no money, it’s kind of saying that all of the superstars make barely anything for all the work they do. What, does everyone make barely any money to afford Cena’s and Rock’s contracts or something? Don’t think so.

Next, Fandango came out with Summer Rae, who’s the only reason he’s over outside of the I Dream of Jeannie theme song ripoff. And he faced Santino, who got such a positive reaction that it made me ashamed of the entire crowd. THIS GUY IS FUCKING TERRIBLE, AND WE’RE CHICAGO! WE BOO PEOPLE WHO ARE TERRIBLE. WHY?????? I don’t understand. I’m ashamed, Chicago, I truly am.

Thankfully Fandango won, which doesn’t really matter considering how much I don’t care about him either. #Directionless Also, I’m fairly certain Summer Rae can wrestle better than Santino.

Next was the C.M. Punk and Paul Heyman segment.

The entire segment from tv (I recommend watching this for the segment itself quality-wise, and the other just for crowd reaction): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36JRhnOKmNI

The entire segment pre-beatdown live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGJOPcLqfdc

Well, what can I say about a promo that includes my favorite wrestler C.M. Punk, wearing a Blackhawks jersey, and using the Blackhawks Stanley Cup win, and coming back to defeat Detroit in 7 games, and getting to chant Detroit Sucks! at a wrestling event other than it was fucking awesome. (The only criticism of the promo was the he said that we fought back from 3-1 to tie the series, to play a game 7, and even pushed a game 7 OT, when the OT should’ve never happened because of a game winning goal we got that was called off. And we had been winning that game before it was tied. But I nitpick!)

The ensuing brawl with Axel and Ryback was fun, despite Axel and Ryback both being terrible.

Next was a ten diva tag team match, which was barely a match. I was really annoyed at the person next to me’s positive reaction towards the Bella Twins, who we all know by now that one has no talent and the other has less, and I’m not sure which one is which, and they only have jobs because of who they’re dating, I’m pretty positive they’re genetically engineering another one in a laboratory somewhere deep below Montana for Randy Orton now that he’s divorced to even further cement their jobs in the company. And the match was about five seconds long before whichever Bella has less talent hit one move on A.J., the best and most relevant diva in ages, and pinned her. Bullshit.

If A.J. loses her well deserved title to a Bella Twin I will officially never care about the women’s division EVER AGAIN.

On a random note, Natalya, when “Dear @NatByNature , please start referring to @WWEAJ as a champion, thanks. She also didn’t cheat to win it” is enough warrant to block someone on Twitter, you’re pretty delusional. I didn’t say anything negative – I was just being an AJ fan responding to your derogatory remarks on Smackdown. I didn’t tell you to go fuck yourself or something. I’m a Natalya fan, after all. I’m just behind AJ. So, grow up, okay?

The Shield had a backstage promo, and then Daniel Bryan entered and cut a promo about how he’s going to win at Battleground. Yay.

The Shield then entered directly below me, or at least Roman Reigns did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NofPYzB19YY As they got to the ring, they were attacked by Cody Rhodes and Goldust, which was pretty cool. Glad to see Cody get a huge pop as well.

The main event was The Shield vs. Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, The Usos, Rob Van Dam, Kofi Kingston, Justin Gabriel, the Prime Time Players, Zack Ryder, and R-Truth in an elimination handicap match. (I wanted Punk, Dolph, and Bryan vs. The Shield – 5 out of 6 isn’t bad!) The match was awesome – I do always love me some elimination multi-man matches (Chicago for Survivor Series ’14 and Royal Rumble ’15.) I liked that we finally got to see RVD sell Dean Ambrose’s finisher – I was waiting for that on the SummerSlam preshow and it just never happened. But yea, the match was awesome, as one can expect from a match that contains Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Rob Van Dam, the Usos, Justin Gabriel, and Kofi Kingston. #FuckOffRTruth This is the finish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGvlUguvsWY Anyways, liked seeing the Usos and Dolph both get a pinfall before Bryan hit his finisher which is basically called “The Knee That Took Out Cena” on Rollins for the win. And the crowd went nuts.

Daniel Bryan is the most over wrestler I’ve seen in a LONG time. He may have even surpassed Summer of Punk C.M. Punk. He and Punk are the most popular wrestlers in the company right now, so it’s only a matter of time before the internet turns on them, right? Right?? Hopefully not. Oh, and while Bryan may be more popular than C.M. Punk, I’m sorry internet, I know you believe Bryan is better all around than Punk is, but you’re wrong! C.M. Punk’s character is still better than Bryan’s no matter what. #PunkMarkAndUnashamed In fact I would put Dolph in front of Bryan too, so, yea. So, Daniel Bryan is #3 as far as I’m concerned. Well, unless Jericho’s around then Bryan’s #4! I’m watching the internet start to hate me more and more by the second right now.

Anyways, after the show, Punk came back out and beat up Axel and Ryback: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0j_jliXjJbI And then put on a Hawks sweater that was thrown at him and so on.

Overall, I got to see everyone I wanted to see: C.M. Punk, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes, Rob Van Dam, Randy Orton, the Wyatt Family, The Shield, Antonio Cesaro, the Usos, Justin Gabriel, Damien Sandow, and A.J..

Unfortunately I also had to see everyone I ranted about too.

All in all, a pretty good show, but now that I’ve been to PPVs, Raw’s just aren’t quite as fun. The next show is another day after Christmas house show, which I learned my lesson last year not to waste my money on. I also can’t afford to go to this, especially considering it’s a pointless house show.

Also, to the people who hate the Corporation storyline and think Daniel Bryan is ls being made to look weak, go fuck yourself. This is the best WWE has been since at least 2008. Grow up and enjoy the good tv while it lasts – eventually Cena and Sheamus will return, and it might do a lot of damage to the great stuff we’re getting now. Also, Bryan doesn’t look weak – if you seriously think he looks weak, you’re a Bryan mark who thinks he should be booked like Stone Cold and shouldn’t have ever lost the belt to Orton – you’re just butthurt that he’s not a seven week long champion right now.

The only real negative about this show that I can think of is that I don’t think it built much towards the Orton/Bryan match itself, which still needs a stipulation.

Anyways, that is all.

#LaterMarks #ButImNotWrong #BelieveInTheShield #StraightEdgeMeansImBetterThanYou #FollowTheBuzzards #ImTheEaterOfWorlds #IsItOctoberYet?